Dear Kanye…..

Scrolling through Facebook today, I saw a headline with your name in it. Yes, I normally scroll right past these “news” articles, but for some reason this one caught my eye. And my resulting emotions have me penning this letter to you. On my blog.

I was sorry to hear about your “money woes” that have apparently gotten so bad that you’ve shamelessly reached out to Mark Zuckerberg to float you some cash. I really am sad you are in this position.

Sad that you think you really need to “borrow” (I’m just assuming you are just a level one d-bag that would eventually pay him back) money to help you out of a supposed hole. And just so we are clear, the “d” does not stand for dime. 😛

Never mind that in the real America, not the one that is in your head, there are people with real problems. Some of my relatives are currently jobless due to chronic illness and have fought and scraped for everything they have. Oh, and even though they have more selflessness than you possess in your little finger, they are in danger of losing their house.

While we are on the subject of your “need,” I have a few pointers for staying out of debt (although to be completely transparent, we still are in debt but are actively working to dig ourselves out without relying on a bajillion-aire) and just over-all being a better person:

1. STOP buying *hit you can’t afford. I realize you really think you need all those diamond-encrusted toothbrushes, but I can tell you, you’ll do just fine with the regular toothbrushes found at your regular grocery store. That’s the place with all the food and stuff us regular people go to on a weekly basis to buy things we need. Notice the word “need” is not in quotes. There is a difference. Learn it.

When your finances are under control:

2. Give to others before asking others to give to you. That Guy who you blaspemously titled your last album after was an expert at this. You should read His book, it’s pretty good.

3. Learn humility. I understand this one is hard for most everyone. But remember that great Book I told you about? In there you will find a step-by-step guide.

4. Give back to your community. In contrast to the purchase of ridiculous items such as diamond-encrusted toothbrushes and hover-boards that can go from 0-60mph in 10-seconds flat, using your money to improve the lives of others will give you favorable headlines in the news. Yes, people will be shocked about how good of a person you actually are, but will eventually get used to it. Look at what happened to Angelina Jolie.

So, fund the local elementary school’s music program and donate money to spruce up that neighborhood park that kids have to bring their own sand to because the sandbox is empty. Help make the phrase, “Mom, I wanna be like Kanye” be a goal to be attained, not a cautionary tale.

5. After marketing your next “must-have” product, give all the profits to charity. Lord knows that the purchase price of most of your “branding” deals are hefty enough to fund the education of most of the kids in a 3rd-world country. Think of the children, Mr.West.

This list is just the beginning. Use it to turn over a new leaf and actually become a role-model any parent can be proud of.

Cheers!

 

Lulabelle Cooks Without a Net…But Should Have In This Case: You Had Me at Merlot

Happy Caucus Day, Iowans! To break the tension, I thought we’d start out Monday with some humor……

Technically the exact wording on the invitation was, “there will be mulled wine in the crock pot.”Even if it hadn’t been one of my closest friend’s birthday parties; I still would have gone. She had me at “mulled wine in the crock pot.”

So on party day I carefully wrapped my favorite wine glass in plastic and put it in my purse. Yes, I now bring my own wine glass to gatherings where I know there is gonna be wine. But that is another story for another blog. 😉

The warm wine was a delicious addition to a wintry girls night out. While there was a sizable crowd, at the end of the night, there was still wine leftover. And I was the last guest to leave so the leftovers went home with me. Normally my husband and I have a policy of not having alcohol in the house, but I decided to take it anyway. There didn’t seem like there was much left. And my creative juices began flowing.

This ended up being a bad idea. Seriously guys. I even debated whether or not to write this one. But I’m pressing on because my mistake should be used to teach others not to make the same one. Although I think I’d be hard pressed to find someone that did the same thing I did. Moving on…..

Ok, so our blender has been the most used wedding gift we’ve been given. A few years ago I really got into making smoothies and enjoy experimenting with different ingredients.

Can anyone see where I’m going with this?

Although I use different ingredients in each smoothie experiment, there are at least two constant items; bananas and spinach.

During this last experiment I discovered we no longer had bananas, so…..

Iputfrozenspinachinawinesmoothie. Let me try that again; slower…..

I put frozen spinach in a wine smoothie. **blogger hides in shame inside Catty Stacks condo to avoid the onslaught of flying tomatoes from angry readers. After screwing up her courage, she emerges and continues**……..

And now we move to the “In My Defense” portion of today’s blog:

In my defense, I thought the spinach would blend easily into the wine and it wouldn’t be detectable. I was very wrong.

I thought it would give it a unique flavor. It kinda did. The flavor of soil. Drink up, people! 😀

I wasn’t expecting the spinach to separate completely from the wine. I probably should have listened more in science class. The resulting consistency was like lawn clippings. Alcoholic lawn clippings. Yummy!

In my defense, would you believe I was attempting to add more fiber to my diet, so that’s why….Ok, even I don’t believe that one. 😛

So, the biggest lesson I learned? When experimenting with wine, stick to fruit. I should have stopped at the cranberry juice and oranges I blended in. They blended in quite nicely and gave the wine a bit of a punch.

Next time I’ll leave the spinach for the salad. Unless we adopt an over-sized rabbit that demands only the best frozen spinach….

Cheers!