STEEMIT Exclusive: What Happens When I Try To Eat Healthy…….

I’m SO tired today because I was up till 1:30 this morning.  Why? Riley caught a mouse and brought it into the bedroom. Then put it under the bed. I texted Chad the following, “The mouse is now under the bed. I want to move to Florida.” Now, of course, I realize that Florida would be a poor choice because they have gators, but at the time I was not thinking clearly. I was having a real, “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. 

Because there is was a mouse under our bed. 

To read my full terrifying account, click the link below: 

https://steemit.com/humor/@lulabelle/what-happens-when-i-try-to-eat-healthy

PS: Obviously after the original entry was written, I screwed up my courage, turned on my flashlight and made my way to the bedroom for a rather fitful night of sleep.

And yes, I have since successfully pooped. The ice cream will have to wait till later though. 😉 

Advertisements

LAFF: Mowed Over…….

It’s been a rough week. I want to address what’s in the news lately, but today, I thought we should have a little diversion with a funny story about one of our first world problems. I hope this makes you smile. 


It’s that time again. With the warmer weather, it’s time to make sure your yard is mowed regularly and well-groomed.

Y’all, Chad and I have had the worst time getting someone to mow our grass and clip the hedges. We hired someone two years ago, but they quit last year. Because Chad has allergies and our yard is too small for a riding lawn mower (so I can’t do it), we realized quickly that our only option was to use a lawn service. So I started asking around and someone (who shall remain nameless because I don’t blame them one bit) contacted me with the name of a local, family-owned lawn care business.

Sound promising? Read on……

Now, in the beginning, I was pretty impressed. They answered my inquiry quickly and were able to accommodate our hectic schedule by agreeing to do the work on a day where other businesses were normally closed. On the first day they mowed, I told them that of course the grass needed to be mowed and the large weeds in the front and side of the house needed to be removed. Including that weed on the side of our house by our porch. I specifically remember telling them to remove the porch weed.

Remember that one? Yeah, the one that was so large we used it as a Christmas tree (from December to April as it turns out, but that’s neither here nor there). Honestly, it’s gotten SO much bigger since December that you hardly have to open the door the entire way to see it in its full glory. And yes I have tried plucking it out with my dainty hands and Goliath strength, but it’s passed the point at which tools wouldn’t be necessary.

We agree on a reasonable payment and the guy shows up to do the work. Now, this is where I made the mistake. After the first mowing session ended, I noticed the porch weed was still firmly cemented in the side yard. The guy told me that he’d get to it next time, he just didn’t have his lopper with him (I don’t know why this word sounds like a euphemism for something else. But there it is).

This was my mistake. I should have told him we couldn’t pay him till the job was done, but as this was our first go around, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I should have reread that first sentence in the above paragraph. Even when he was mowing the grass last week, I could have sworn I heard a weed eater whirring in the background.

So it was to my great surprise and annoyance that I saw the porch weed sitting, untouched, hugging the cool concrete when I opened the door after he had finished. He had knocked on the door so he could say he was finished and I could pay him. But the instant I saw the weed, I looked at him, nodded and gazed toward the weed and pointed. He said, “What?” as I kept eye contact and kept my finger pointed firmly toward the weed.

His eye follows my finger to the weed, he gasped, throws up his hands and says, “$#@%&#!, I forgot my lopper again! Text me and remind me for next time!”

“WHAAATT??!!”

So, um, I guess it’s on me that I thought just verbally telling you what needed to be done would be enough to actually DO what I’m paying you to do.

My bad.

So because you forgot to bring your loppers (Ok, is this a real thing or a tool from Who-ville?), I forgot how to do the math and am only paying you for mowing.

Also, here is a handy-dandy little reminder for next time:

 

 

 

Good luck!! 

PS: Since this writing, the yard guy has been fired and our palatial acreage is on the hunt-for the 1,268th time-for an expert yard guy/girl/person. 

It may be about time to invest in a goat. 😛 

 

Still Here…..

Dear friends, if you or someone you know is struggling with depression and or thoughts of suicide, please seek help. Here are some resources that you may find helpful:

The Trevor Project 

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ( 1-800-273-8255)

To Write Love On Her Arms

The Hope Line

International Association for Suicide Prevention

Today’s blog is written by my husband Chad. We hope this encourages you and helps you seek help. Remember that NO MATTER WHAT that you are loved, you have worth and you matter. 


32 years ago this evening, just a couple of weeks after the end of my freshman year of high school, I was in the final stages of what I thought would be the plan to end my life. But the Lord had other plans for me, starting with getting me to drop the bottle of pills I’d planned to ingest, having me set aside the suicide note I’d written out, and telling me that He loved me.

I don’t even know where to begin in thanking Him for what He has done in my life since that time. Some of you reading this may not have even been alive 32 years ago. Some of you may wonder if God really hears us when we cry out to Him. Some of you may even be wondering if life is worth living. If the past 32 years of my life are any indication, God’s faithfulness and mercy and peace and grace for us are absolutely stunning and inexplicable and worth every moment of hardship that we may go through even as we hold onto Him and follow Him wherever He leads us.

My life since 1986 hasn’t been easy at all–in fact, it’s been downright agonizing at times–but I have seen God’s faithfulness in so many ways, big and small, far too many for me to count, and I’ve seen how He has carried me through dark days, surrounded me with what Hebrews 12 calls a “great cloud of witnesses” and has given me joy and peace that are totally beyond comprehension–believe me, I’ve tried to wrap my brain around what He has done and is doing in my life, and all I can do is sit in awed silence. I don’t know what the Lord has planned for me the next 32 years, but I hope that no matter where He takes me, I can share this message of His love, peace and hope with others. I can hardly wait.

15540729_10154758486278638_782573610438042049_o