LAFF: Lulabelle’s Practical Guide to Staying Cool on Road Trips When the AC Gives Out and it’s as Hot as Satan’s Bum Crack……….

Yesterday Chad posted on Facebook to say that our car’s air conditioner had finally been fixed. I replied by posting the following video:

Mennonite Sing 606

Now I realize the above video might be a bit intense to celebrate a simple AC fix. But when the AC has been broken for 3 weeks and in that time you had to travel 8 hours both ways for vacation, the video above is the only appropriate response.

So today I decided to do my subscribers a solid and give you all a list of *hacks to make a long car trip more comfortable if your AC blows (or doesn’t), and no one can fix it because the problem is super complicated which ultimately makes sense because if it was an easy fix, it would not be your car. 😛

1. Drive at night and arrive at your destination early in the morning. This way you can drive with all the windows down and things are a bit cooler. Yes, the downside is that you may get bugs and dirt in your teeth, hair, and ears, but at least you’ll ingest more protein, right?

2. Pack plenty of water and Gatorade so you’ll stay hydrated.

3. Wear as few clothes as is legally necessary. If you are really desperate, strip down completely but make sure to only take country roads and drive through areas that are not well-lit (combining this tip with the one above would help even more). In this scenario, you won’t be able to take pits stops and pee or drive through for food, so plan accordingly.

4. If you have long hair, put it up in a bun or alternatively, cut your hair before you begin your road trip. Or better yet, shave your head. This will help keep your head cool and will fulfill your mother’s lifelong dream of you getting a haircut.

When Chad and I arrived at our cabin after driving for 8 hours, the heat had gotten to us. Adding insult to injury, our cabin was without AC, so we sat in our room under two strong, blowing fans while we aired out our various creases.

Honestly, if you want to make great time, driving a car with no AC is the way to go because you will want to stop the car as little as you possibly can. And pray there are no accidents along the way. When Chad and I were 2 miles away from our cabin, we got stuck in pre-parade traffic and had to slow down to 1 mile an hour and I’m not gonna lie, I really thought we’d die. Which really sucked because we had been needing this vacation for the last 3 summers.

5. Fill a small wading pool with water and set it in a meat locker or industrial freezer to freeze. Then place it into the back seat of the car for the passenger to sit in and cool off while you drive down the road. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget the driver. As the ice melts, the passenger in the back will pelt the driver with ice in a refreshing display of sharing.  

*Some of these hacks are embellished or completely ridiculous and Lulabelle.net is not responsible for injury, damages or legal fees if any of these hacks are tried as written. 😉

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Snippety-Do-Da! How One Man Engaged in Textual Relations During His Vasectomy…………

The following very true story was originally shared on my Steemit account


Bloggers Note: Yes, the subject of this blog has been contacted and consent has been given to share the following story. Also, I wrote this and planned to upload it earlier this month during International Childfree Day (August 1st), a holiday that celebrates those without children, but life and a much-needed vacation took priority.

Years ago before Chad and I got married, we had the conversation about whether or not we’d have children. At the time we decided that we’d try to adopt. For complicated reasons, most birth control is a tricky situation for me, so we concluded that Chad would get a vasectomy.

Yep. That’s where this blog is going today. Strap in.

So Chad’s procedure was going to be outpatient and on the morning of his surgery I had to work, it was early in the AM, we were not living together at the time and I can’t drive, so it didn’t make sense for me to go with him. Otherwise, I totally would have. Besides, if I had gone, I wouldn’t have been able to write about this.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, our story begins early on the morning of Chad’s procedure. I’m sleeping in bed and get the following text message from Chad:

“Just arrived at the Dr.’s office and am checking in.” At this point, I was glad the procedure was about to begin and began praying for a smooth operation.

About 10 minutes later I get another text from Chad…….

“It’s so weird to not feel a thing but there is the smell of burning flesh in the room.”

It was at this point that I realized, “HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, HE’S TEXTING ME THROUGH HIS ENTIRE VASECTOMY PROCEDURE!”

And he did.

Every NSFW detail.

Which is strange, unsettling and annoyingly entertaining before 7:30 am. I just didn’t know how to respond.

It’s not like I could have called him to have a casual chat. “Hey babe, how’s it hangin’?” seemed a tad inappropriate.

Also, I would think that any sudden loud noises might startle the surgeon and suddenly you owe money for a vasectomy and bonus circumcision.

The procedure went off without a hitch, and Chad was fully recovered a few days after coming home thanks to a steady diet of pain meds and frozen peas.

So why did we choose to share this story? Two reasons, really. One, it’s just a really funny story And two, we wanted to highlight our experience and mention that in the lead up to the procedure, although our doctor asked several times just to be sure, we were never denied the surgery because the doctor believed strongly that we’d “change our minds.”

I often wonder if we didn’t receive much blowback because it was Chad asking for the procedure and not me. Because being submerged in the childless world for the last few years, I’ve come across so many stories of women who know they don’t want to give birth and having blowback from doctors that they will probably “change their minds later.” Even when the person wanting the procedure is able to pay for it out of pocket.

And I never knew how important the freedom of choice was in this aspect of our lives until we went through our experience. To know what we want beyond a shadow of a doubt and have others believe and back us up.

For that, we are truly grateful and hope others experience the same thing…..

Minus the live stream. 😉

Settle For The Best Part 2………….

In February I wrote about red flags to avoid in dating and relationships. Ever since then I wanted to share the other side, ie, what qualities to look for in a potential partner. This spring Chad and I celebrated 10 years together (since our first date) and I thought this would be the perfect time to give you a little insight into what my experience was and how I knew Chad was “the one.”

So Chad and I met online in 2008. You can read my list of safety tips for online dating here. On that list, I believe I wrote about how you need to choose to go out on dates with guys who respect your safety rules. Right off the bat, Chad impressed me because he was totally open to traveling to my city and arriving separately to each of our date locations (there were 2). When you have a person who is down with going out of their way to make you feel safe, you have a good one.

But what initially drew me in was after our first conversation over internet chat? He asked me if he could give me a hug.

I know it seems kinda cheesy and weird to ask for a hug online, which apparently you do like this ((persons name here)), but I was still flattered. Asking for permission before any intimate contact lets the person you are interested in know that they are valued in your eyes.

Then came our second date. We went to a Weird Al concert and then afterward I had a bladder accident. And Chad was completely chill. I cleaned up and we continued our date….and ended up in the ER because Chad came down with a bad migraine.

When we first arrived at the ER, Chad’s name was called to go back into the intake and Chad wanted me to come back with him, even though we had just started dating. During the intake, they asked for his social security number.

There was no way Chad could have lied about that piece of information. Of course, I had gained a bit of trust in him before this moment, but knowing that he trusted me to have this information was a big sign to me.

We celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary late last week. Earlier this summer I found this meme online and fell in love again:
Facebook Cover Photo Guac

And I wish that every kid in high school, college, and beyond would get a print out of this and put it on their bedroom wall as a reminder of how valuable they are. To not settle for free chips and salsa, but wait for the guacamole that they deserve.

It was because of this meme that I decided to totally lean into the avocado theme and rename my subscriber’s anxious avocados. Because I want to be a reminder to you that you deserve the best, no matter what that looks like.

Cheers!

Storytime: Abducted by Customer Service……..

*Blogger’s note: I have masked the location of this incident and am not using real names because I truly believe this person meant no harm whatsoever and I want to use this story as more of an educational tool to teach others what not to do. 

Also, while this post contains heavy doses of sarcasm, that has more to do with how I cope with these situations and less to do with the actual person.

As of this upload, the museum in question has reached out and offered a formal apology. 


This weekend Chad and I went on a mini get-a-way. As part of our weekend, we toured a vintage 1950’s style home that has been turned into a museum. Although I was using my wheelchair, I was able to tour it because they had put on a ramp at the back of the house to accommodate wheelchairs.

After we toured the home, we began to make our way across the street and up the block to go to the next gathering of this event. All of a sudden this woman, wearing a museum badge, approached us. She was very excited to greet us and told us that they had just put the ramp in last year and she was SO glad we were there to tour the museum.

And I’m pretty sure I was the first person in a wheelchair to come through the museum. 

Why? Keep reading…….

She introduced herself as one of the curators of the museum and then the conversation took a turn-Her: “I used to work in healthcare. What is your diagnosis?” Me: (Slightly flustered as people ask me all the time what is my disability, but her way of asking was a bit more unique.) “Spina Bifida,” I said.

“Oh wow!” she said. And then it happened.

My husband had been pushing my wheelchair this whole time as we were walking to the next event of the weekend. And suddenly, without asking, the curator GRABBED MY WHEELCHAIR from my husband and started PUSHING ME!!

Now, Chad and I were so shocked we didn’t say anything, and I know that probably wasn’t the best course of action, but here’s the thing: when you’ve been disabled all your life, stuff like this (normally not exactly like this) happens frequently and honestly you just have to pick your battles or you’d end up in an early grave, a victim of repeated 2nd hand social awkwardness.

So we let it go, for about half a block until Chad casually told the lady that he could take over pushing me. Her reply?

“Oh don’t worry, I used to work in healthcare, I know what I’m doing!” 

Um……

Listen, Linda!Can I call you Linda? Cool. Here are a few tips to keep in mind the next time someone in a wheelchair comes through the museum: 

1. When you see a person in a wheelchair, you may approach but DO. NOT. TOUCH. The wheelchair is an extension of the person’s body and is therefore off-limits unless the person specifically asks for help. 

2. Throughout our entire interaction, you mentioned several times that you used to work in health care. I’m just not sure how relevant that information was to the situation. Especially since when we came to a curb cut and you took me down backwards, I almost fell out of my chair. 

Yeah. That was a fun experience.

When you have a situation like this, ask the person in the chair which direction they prefer to come down. 

Also, after this incident we could only assume that when you said you worked in healthcare, you meant to say front desk or billing department of the hospital. 

3. Honestly I would have still told you what my disability was even if you didn’t tell me you used to work in health care. I know others in the disabled community have a different opinion to sharing their diagnosis, but for me, I’ve always had the opinion that others will never learn if they don’t ask. I know this can be confusing, so a good way to ask is this, “Would you mind if I asked you your diagnosis?” 

4. Your museum is awesome and we thoroughly enjoyed our tour. I promise you if you implement the suggestions above, it will be an enjoyable experience for all attendees. 

Cheers! 

Foodie Friday: The One Where Lulabelle Reviews Dunkin Donuts New Menu Item: Donut Fries……(Alternate Title: Dear Dunkin Donuts: What Were You Thinking?)

Last night Miranda Sings dropped a new video on her YouTube channel. She teamed up with Dunkin Donuts to promote their new Donut Fries. (Be warned, it’s Miranda Sings singing to the tune of Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and you’ll likely contract a viral earworm if you watch the commercial too many times. You’re welcome! 😉 ) As soon as I saw the commercial, I knew what I had to do. 

I had to get them immediately. 

Thankfully Chad was able to go grab them for my breakfast this morning. And I dug right in.

I just wonder how long these were field tested before being rolled out. I feel like maybe the launch was a bit rushed. 

Why? 

I guess it was my fault. I just assumed that donut fries would be donuts in the shape of (in this case, steak cut) fries. 

This was not accurate at all

For starters, the outside of the donut fry wasn’t coated all the way around in sugar like a regular donut should be. Instead it kind of looked like someone had taken a fried donut-esque thing-more on that in a minute-and very casually, with zero concept of accurate aim, threw some sugar on very haphazardly. 

When I bit into the end of the donut, I was in for a shock. It was not a regular donut taste or texture.
Guys, it was definitely potato-y.
And definitely not as sweet as a donut. 
I think they took the name “Donut Fries” WAY too literal. 

It felt like Dunkin Donuts was like that parent that tries to get their kid to eat vegetables and decides to add sugar where sugar shouldn’t be, rendering the already objectionable food completely inedible. 

Also the “crispy” outer layer felt less like a donut and more like a flaky wonton wrapper. 

The entire experience was so strange so I’ve decided to give this Dunkin Donuts product a hard pass…..much like a kidney stone.

Cheers! 

STEEMIT Exclusive: What Happens When I Try To Eat Healthy…….

I’m SO tired today because I was up till 1:30 this morning.  Why? Riley caught a mouse and brought it into the bedroom. Then put it under the bed. I texted Chad the following, “The mouse is now under the bed. I want to move to Florida.” Now, of course, I realize that Florida would be a poor choice because they have gators, but at the time I was not thinking clearly. I was having a real, “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. 

Because there is was a mouse under our bed. 

To read my full terrifying account, click the link below: 

https://steemit.com/humor/@lulabelle/what-happens-when-i-try-to-eat-healthy

PS: Obviously after the original entry was written, I screwed up my courage, turned on my flashlight and made my way to the bedroom for a rather fitful night of sleep.

And yes, I have since successfully pooped. The ice cream will have to wait till later though. 😉 

LAFF: Mowed Over…….

It’s been a rough week. I want to address what’s in the news lately, but today, I thought we should have a little diversion with a funny story about one of our first world problems. I hope this makes you smile. 


It’s that time again. With the warmer weather, it’s time to make sure your yard is mowed regularly and well-groomed.

Y’all, Chad and I have had the worst time getting someone to mow our grass and clip the hedges. We hired someone two years ago, but they quit last year. Because Chad has allergies and our yard is too small for a riding lawn mower (so I can’t do it), we realized quickly that our only option was to use a lawn service. So I started asking around and someone (who shall remain nameless because I don’t blame them one bit) contacted me with the name of a local, family-owned lawn care business.

Sound promising? Read on……

Now, in the beginning, I was pretty impressed. They answered my inquiry quickly and were able to accommodate our hectic schedule by agreeing to do the work on a day where other businesses were normally closed. On the first day they mowed, I told them that of course the grass needed to be mowed and the large weeds in the front and side of the house needed to be removed. Including that weed on the side of our house by our porch. I specifically remember telling them to remove the porch weed.

Remember that one? Yeah, the one that was so large we used it as a Christmas tree (from December to April as it turns out, but that’s neither here nor there). Honestly, it’s gotten SO much bigger since December that you hardly have to open the door the entire way to see it in its full glory. And yes I have tried plucking it out with my dainty hands and Goliath strength, but it’s passed the point at which tools wouldn’t be necessary.

We agree on a reasonable payment and the guy shows up to do the work. Now, this is where I made the mistake. After the first mowing session ended, I noticed the porch weed was still firmly cemented in the side yard. The guy told me that he’d get to it next time, he just didn’t have his lopper with him (I don’t know why this word sounds like a euphemism for something else. But there it is).

This was my mistake. I should have told him we couldn’t pay him till the job was done, but as this was our first go around, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I should have reread that first sentence in the above paragraph. Even when he was mowing the grass last week, I could have sworn I heard a weed eater whirring in the background.

So it was to my great surprise and annoyance that I saw the porch weed sitting, untouched, hugging the cool concrete when I opened the door after he had finished. He had knocked on the door so he could say he was finished and I could pay him. But the instant I saw the weed, I looked at him, nodded and gazed toward the weed and pointed. He said, “What?” as I kept eye contact and kept my finger pointed firmly toward the weed.

His eye follows my finger to the weed, he gasped, throws up his hands and says, “$#@%&#!, I forgot my lopper again! Text me and remind me for next time!”

“WHAAATT??!!”

So, um, I guess it’s on me that I thought just verbally telling you what needed to be done would be enough to actually DO what I’m paying you to do.

My bad.

So because you forgot to bring your loppers (Ok, is this a real thing or a tool from Who-ville?), I forgot how to do the math and am only paying you for mowing.

Also, here is a handy-dandy little reminder for next time:

 

 

 

Good luck!! 

PS: Since this writing, the yard guy has been fired and our palatial acreage is on the hunt-for the 1,268th time-for an expert yard guy/girl/person. 

It may be about time to invest in a goat. 😛