Dear Donald…..

I don’t even know where to begin. I know you probably won’t read this, and if you do I’ll probably be labeled a “loser,” but it has to be said. 

When you first voiced your intent to run for president of the United States, we all laughed. But it was that nervous laughter you do when someone suggests that they are gonna drink a gallon of milk in two minutes flat and then run a marathon without stopping to pee. You don’t believe them and don’t think it’s a great idea, but you kinda wanna stick around to see what happens.

The thing is, we are all shocked and amazed you are STILL IN IT. But unfortunately, it is in no way funny or entertaining anymore.

Dear Donald, it’s time we sat down for a serious talk. I know no one is ballsy enough to say this to your face, but you are like that one crazy relative that everyone comes to Thanksgiving dinner for, with the sole purpose of seeing what ridiculous thing will fly out of their mouth next. ThinkDrunk Uncle from SNL’s Weekend Update skit.

Now your views on women have been well known, so I’m not even gonna touch that one. What I wanted to specifically talk to you about is your latest stunt. Yes, I call it a stunt because it was a careless jumble of words and arm flailing that should have never happened. I want to address the Serge Kovaleski incident.

I don’t care if Mr. Kovaleski invented facts for his article concerning you. That’s besides the point (besides that theory has been debunked by numerous sources). The point is it is NEVER acceptable to mock someone’s physical disability. Now I’d understand if you were just mindlessly gesturing (I talk with my hands alot as well), but the fact that you used the SAME arm as where Kovaleski’s disability affects him, tells me that you had every intention of attempting to discredit his words by placing emphasis on his disability, alluding to the view that he shouldn’t be taken seriously because he’s disabled. That his work doesn’t matter. Despite the fact that he’s reported for 3 major news outlets during his illustrious career. Mr. Trump, can you spell Pulitzer? Because Kovaleski actually has one of those. Oh and this view that people with disabilities don’t have much to offer because of their disability? It’s a view that far too many people in this country already have and our community has suffered because of it.

If you truly didn’t mean to mock Mr. Kovaleski, the decent thing to do is apologize. What you don’t do is continue to attack the man you mocked by accusing him of grandstanding. By doing this, you are perpetuating the stereotype that those of us in the disabled community aren’t talented, hard workers with dreams of our own. As a public figure you have an opportunity to influence the world for good. We are still waiting for you to take it.

Finally Donald, we are tired. We are weary. We need to begin serious discussion of the issues that matter in this country. If you can’t participate in this way, with civility and decorum, please do us all a favor and drop out of the race. I’m sure you can find something else to do. I hear Bill Cosby lives nearby and could use a pinochle partner. It’s up to you.

In Real Time: Where Lulabelle Watches a Movie and Records Her Reactions In Real Time

I had planned to write this on Monday, but I was so excited, I just couldn’t wait. Today my blog starts a new series (that will appear from time to time) where I watch a movie and record my thoughts in real time.

It started innocently enough, I found the 2014 epic Noah on and decided to watch it rather than brave the crowds on Black Friday. Besides it was also rainy and I live for irony.

The plan was to watch this movie and decorate our house for Christmas. I’ve uploaded a picture of our Christmas tree below…….

I had heard this movie deviates from the original Biblical account in Genesis–which it does, but I was struck by how far out there it had gone. So I began a Facebook thread to record my thoughts. As it grew longer and longer, I knew I was going to turn it into a blog, so I made the rest of my comments private. Until tonight.

Fasten your seat belts kids, this one is gonna be a bumpy watery ride!

OK, so quick synopsis for those not familiar with the traditional story of Noah from Genesis. Back in Noah’s day the world was evil and God was frustrated with mankind. So He decides He’s going to destroy the earth. Noah and his family are the only righteous ones, so God tells him to build an ark (a freakin’ huge boat), and bring in a pair of every animal on the earth. Then God sent a flood to destroy the earth, but since Noah and his family were in the boat, they were saved. In the end God sends a rainbow and a dove to Noah as a symbol of God’s promise that He’d never destroy the earth with a flood again.

So, let’s dive in (and by the end of this, you’ll probably be really sick of all the water puns, so I’m apologizing now 😉  )

Facebook Status update: Friday 5:33pm: “Movie on this rainy Friday is Noah. This may not end well. Stay tuned”

1o minutes in: Is Russell Crowe in JEANS??!! Pressing on….
15 minutes in: I’m convinced this is an historical drama based so loosely on the Bible that they didn’t feel bad when they introduced stone robots reminiscent of The Rock guy from The Never Ending Story. Also, Transformers….moving on….
15:05– Who knew Noah wore the world’s first man bun. I’ve been wondering who to blame for this trend…..
17 minutes in: Armor like they had in the dark ages in Europe. Seems legit.
17:35–I can almost see the Green Screen. I guess back then people could walk on the air?
20 minutes in: Pushing your thumb on someone’s head between the eyes, where the nose meets will quickly put the person to sleep. Will be trying this soon.
21 minutes in: All movie pottery shown courtesy of Pier 1 Imports
45 minutes in: Sure the ark isn’t done yet, but why wait? Let’s add a crap-ton of BIRDS! Psshhh!! It’ll be fine!! 😀
1:20 to go: I think I’ve seen that same cloak advertised in a past issue of J CREW
1:14 to go: I think I can guess what the director wanted in the character of Methusaleh. “Yeah, if you can make him look a cross between Anthony Hopkins and Yoda, that’d be great!”

They just launched signal flares for who knows why. If it weren’t for the fact that I can never not quit something that is more than halfway completed because of stubborn-ness, I’da stopped watching when the first stone person/transformer dude appeared!

1:05 to go: Pivotal crowd running scene performed in most Biblical epics. I guess the director didn’t realize that if you unfocus your eyes, it’s obvious that some of the extras are in rain coats circa now. 😀

1:03 to go: Dang! Note to self, don’t piss off Stone People/Transformer Dudes. They have quite the brute force!
1:02:57 mark: Is it just my OCD kicking in, or does it annoy anyone else that the leader of the rebellion is wearing long hair sticking out of his shoulder just on one side?? Does his other shoulder not get cold?? Pressing on….We are almost done. 🙂
1:01:24–at this point they have completely lost focus and forgot they were making a Biblical epic, and not a Star Wars meets Transformers meets Gladiator movie.
54 minute mark: Whoa! I thought Emma Watson’s character was killed off in the ensuing mob. How did I miss that??
47 minutes to go: Ah, I mistook her for Ham’s love interest. They did look remarkably alike.
45 minutes to go: Blogger takes a break to pee and upload today’s Thank You Note Blog
The present urge was only a matter of time. The movie does primarily revolve around water….it’s science, really. Now back to the movie:
44:51–I’m PRETTY sure there were no extra human stowaways on the original ark that had ill intent….but that could actually explain ALOT!
34:40–I think I got that same scarf for Christmas 10 years ago.
15 minutes to go: It finally dawns on me who Jephath looks like. I knew he looked familiar. Of course he looks like Harry Styles of One Direction. They were doing pretty great in 2014. They also for some reason made Ham look like a member of a swash-buckling boy band.
12 to go: Emma Watson’s off the shoulder sweater….tre chic! I want it. #christmas
10:57–it just occurred to me that Emma Watson has been speaking with a heavy British accent this entire time and no one has called her on it. Weird. 😛

10:32–And skinny jeans makes one more appearance….

END CREDITS: Hey, look at that, the grandpa was played by Anthony Hopkins!

And apparently the last 10 minutes of the movie were not very note worthy.

Do you like this new series? What other movies would you want me to do?

Happy Monday!


Christmas Tree

Here is our tree. When you have cats you have to get creative. Yes, I taped it to the TV, but we don’t use it, so it’s no big deal. 😀




Happy Blogsgiving….

This morning for breakfast I thought I’d try something different. To be adventurous.

So I took some apples, added some sugar, cinnamon, and just a pinch of nutmeg. Then I added some milk. I finished it off with a bit of dough on top.


I had apple pie for breakfast.

I have no regrets!! 😀

Happy Thanksgiving to all you turkeys young and old!


*Turn the volume up on this one. It’s worth it 😉

How To Bride…..To the Woman Who Wants to Redo Her Wedding

Happy Wednesday! We woke up this morning and stepped outside to run a few errands. Boy howdy, I tell you that warm sun hit our faces and for a moment I thought our house had been picked up in the middle of the night and plunked down somewhere in Florida! But looking around, I saw nary a palm tree, so it was all in my head. I hate when that happens! 😛

Let’s talk about weddings. Our society is obsessed with weddings. Every detail is scrutinized and planned to the letter. The sentence I hear over and over is this from brides: “The day has to be just PERFECT!”

I’ve been watching “Say Yes to the Dress” on Hulu for the past few days. It’s a great show if you love anything related to weddings. The premise of the show is this: engaged women come through the doors of a posh wedding dress boutique and try on dress after dress, looking for the perfect one. Budgets are discussed as well as certain aspects of their upcoming wedding, like date and location (some locations would require certain styles; ie-light and airy for a beach wedding, a dress with sleeves for Mormons marrying in the Temple…ect…)

One thing I’m always curious about is the price and budget for these dresses. Most of the time the budget and cost of the dress could have fit inside my entire wedding several times over.

There was one recent episode that drew my attention. Titled, SYTTD: Second Time Around, it focused on couples that were renewing their vows or getting married for the second time. One couple in particular caught my attention. The bride-to-be came into the boutique and said she and her husband of two years were going to do their wedding over again. Why? Because she hated the first one. Seriously. She described her wedding day as a “huge disappointment.” “Everything that could go wrong went wrong!” She also stated that above everything else, she hated her dress. At one point she described the moment when the groom split his pants down the middle.

Now, I understand if something traumatic occurred such as a death or accident that put a dent in the wedding. Or maybe she was unable to make any decisions on her own because someone took over her wedding (I’ve heard of this happening and the couple has plans to one day re-do it) And shows like this are edited artfully, so if that is the case, then there may have been another element of their day that was cropped out. But I’ve lived enough to know that there are brides with this attitude. And they need a reality check. So, to the bride that is disappointed with her wedding……

Mistakes happen in EVERY wedding. I know a wedding where the cake bakers frosted the cake immediately after it was out of the oven. If you are unfamiliar with the science behind baking cakes, frosting it straight out  of the oven should NOT be done. Why? Because the frosting will melt and will make the cake actually FALL IN! Fortunately the mother of the bride was able to save the day by propping the cake up with toothpicks. Oh, and this was the NIGHT BEFORE the wedding.

In another wedding, the day before when the groom’s family was traveling to the bride’s hometown for the wedding, they had to bring one of their dogs with them because she was sick. Well, the dog ended up barfing on one of the grooms men’s shirts–the one that he’d be wearing IN the wedding.

Years after your wedding, these are just some of the elements that, while stressful at the time, provide entertaining anecdotes for family and friends for generations to come.

But the most important thing you are doing on your wedding day, the most important element–getting married. Marriage vows are sacred and not meant to be taken lightly. I would even suggest that couples prepare for marriage as much as they do finding the perfect dress, cake and venue. Consider several months of premarital counseling before the big day. There are even some places that won’t marry you without this requirement.

So on your wedding day, when you are putting on your $7,000 Christian Louboutin shoes and your $15,000 Lazaro dress, keep in mind what it’s all about. And what your life will be after the wedding. When all the glitz and glam disappears.



Cat-ercise…..Tips for Trimming Down Your Feline Friend

If you are the parent of an elderly female cat, you’ve inevitably been in this situation. You go to the vet, vet says cat is overweight, so you take her home and try to get her to lose weight. Exercising with the laser pointer works great for a couple of weeks. Then you go on a one week vacation, breaking her routine. When you return from vacation, you pick up where you left off, except now your furry penguin (she’s a dead ringer for one, only she has pointy ears and a long tail) has grown tired of the laser pointer and regards it with a look of ambivalent boredom. She regards it now in the same way most people regard the Weather Channel, she ignores it.

The time has come for you as a cat parent to get creative. The weight won’t simply fly off by itself. And as much as she licks herself, that’s not an effective weight loss strategy either. So I’ve devised a list of alternative activities to help your cat lose that feline muffin-top.

1. Play Cat Laser Tag: I realize above I mentioned that our cats have stopped giving a rat’s patooty about the laser pointer. So, the other day I had a brainstorm. What if I just needed to modify how they interact with it?? So I waited until it was dark outside and then turned off our living room light. After it was completely dark, I turned on the laser pointer. IT WORKED!! Our oldest cat LOVED it. She was able to run a few laps around the living room. Now, I will caution you that if you have more than one cat, be aware of their whereabouts when you do this. There was a few moments of cat fighting when both of our girls went for the pointer at the same time bonked into each other (and yes, I had a moment of thinking, “Well, at least she’s moving her body!”). I would recommend investing in some night vision goggles if you are gonna implement this technique.

2. Limit Food: This may seem like a no-brainer, but when you get into the habit of feeding your cat the same amount each time you fill the bowl, this habit can be hard to break. Especially if you have multiple cats and they eat out of the same bowl. If using separate bowls is not possible (Ours have been known to cease eating if you give them their own bowl), limit the amount you put in the bowl. We went from a full cup once a day to 1/2 to 1/4 cup once a day. This was done gradually so the girls could get used to the new routine.

3. Utilize Manipulatives: Use small cat toys to get them interested in moving their bodies. Small toys that contain cat-nip are wonderful because most cats are drawn to them. Now, they won’t be running back and forth, but they will be moving their legs and feet as they hunt the toy.

Hopefully you find these tips useful in helping to get your cat to trim enough fat to live a longer, productive life.

**And here we have our feline heroine demonstrating another form of exercise-the sit up. ONE. SIT. UP. Hold this position until everyone in the room stops looking at you. Then relax, jump on your feet and exit stage right. Repeat every few weeks.

Smells of the Season…..


Ah! I love fall. And not just because my birthday falls (ha, pun intended) right at the beginning. I love fall for the crispness in the air. And for the smells. Pumpkin everything, spicy cinnamon and sweet clove. It makes me wish we’d be able to burn candles at our house. But with 2 cats and both of us on the clumsy side, it’s really not a good idea.

However, there are a few seasonal candles we keep in the house just to smell them. One of these we bought several years ago at, oddly enough, a gas station. Originally it was the type of candle that had layers. 3 to be exact. Banana nut bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut.

Unfortunately we left the candle in the car for a bit after we bought it, and with the summer heat (yeah, it was in there for several months. In our defense, um….yeah, I got nothing 😛 ) the layers melted together, forming one giant scent bomb that can’t even be burned because the wax, in it’s semi liquidy state during the summer, bubbled up and covered the wick. It didn’t help that the candle flopped over on it’s side when it fell out of the box it was in, onto the floor of our car.

I actually have a confession to make regarding this candle. I didn’t buy it for the scent. I bought it for the name. I mean, with a name like “SMELL MY NUTS,” it’s just screaming to be bought and displayed proudly in the home. Right in between Junior’s bowling trophy and that sweet picture of your grandparents on their 50th wedding anniversary!

Tis the season, y’all!! 😀

Want to get your own?

Back to the Future: This One Time At Denny’s…

Last night my husband and I went to our favorite greasy-spoon to celebrate his birthday. Yes, I realize I talked about going out to dinner earlier this week, but in our house, we celebrate a person’s birthday all month with different surprises and gatherings. So last night we stopped in at Denny’s.

Midway through our meal, I saw her. An older woman in her 80’s with expertly styled white hair and a smiling twinkle in her eye. She reminded me of Trixie from The Honeymooners. I had seen her before. Twice. She is always with a handsome man, who reminds me of my late uncle Paul.

Let me rewind and tell you the story from the beginning. About 6 years ago, I was visiting my now husband when we stopped in at Denny’s (Hey, it’s cheap and has decent food depending on your order, don’t judge 😉 ). We were seated at a booth facing the restaurant when we saw them. An older couple consisting of a handsome gentleman that looked like my uncle Paul, and a woman that could have been a dead ringer for an older Audrey Meadows from Honeymooners fame. What struck us about them is that they were behaving like they were on their first date; cuddling in the booth, giggling and absolutely glowing! I whispered to Chad, “look honey, it’s us in 50 years!” We waved them over and remarked that we hoped we were that happy after 50 years of marriage. Then they said, “Oh, we aren’t married. We are on our first date!” Instantly, their charm factor shot through the roof. In that moment, Chad and I decided this couple was who we wanted to emulate. To still act like newlyweds after being together for many years.

So fast forward to last night. As we were about to leave, I turned around and there she was. Same hair, same twinkle. And he wasn’t far behind. I had Chad turn around and look. He called them both over to our table. We talked for several minutes about what we had been up to since the last time we saw them. I talked to the woman and honestly I couldn’t stop staring at her. I couldn’t help but notice a few things; 1. She had neon pink glittery clips in her hair. I love anything bright and glittery. 2. Her nails were pink and green like a watermelon. When I go to parties where watermelon is served, there’s little to no chance that others will be able to eat it–because as soon as it’s set in front of me, it’s gone. Yes, I’m obsessed with watermelon. 3. The last thing I noticed was her sweatshirt. It was a plain grey sweatshirt, emblazoned with a white kitten with blue eyes. I swear it was like I had fallen down the same rabbit hole as Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

Ladies and gentlemen, I was looking at myself from the future!! Not only from her appearance, but she even shared with me that she struggles with anxiety. It was a surreal experience.

All too soon it was over. As we climbed out of the rabbit hole and made our way home, we talked about how similar the couple was from us. It was like God was showing us the future and it sparkled.

I still didn’t figure out if the Cubs will make it to a World Series by the time I’m 80, but hey, a girl can dream 😉


Lulabelle Reviews: Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno Soda

Last night to celebrate my husband’s birthday, my mother in law took us out to dinner at one of the newer restaurants in town; FiFi’s Lunchbox. It’s one of those places where they put bacon in literally everything, even the desserts. Unfortunately, food is not served with an angioplasty on the side. Seriously, I asked. Despite the calorie content, you have to give an establishment props for having tiny deep-fried balls of tater tot casserole as an appetizer.

In addition to amazing food, FiFi’s Lunchbox offers an array of natural sodas. One of these selections piqued my interest; Pure Sodaworks Strawberry Jalapeno Natural Soda. For $2.50 and 150 calories, I deemed it worthy of consumption. After purchasing it, we took a side trip to the store to pick up a bottle opener. I can’t say enough about the goodness of glass bottled soda. There’s really nothing like it. This simple soda contains only sparkling water, pure cane sugar, strawberries and jalapenos.

Appearance: Like ginger-ale with a hint of pinkness. After opening its effervescence reminds me of a lava lamp. There are white flakes that sink to the bottom and according to the bottle this is natural sediment that settles during shipping.

First impression smell: Like homemade strawberry fruit roll up and vinegar which seems out-of-place (come to think of it, I guess true strawberries have a vinegary quality that I suppose I’m not used to since the sodas I normally drink contain artificial flavor. Thanks Monsanto 😛 ).

First impression taste: A bit of strawberry sweetness, then you are hit with a spicy jalapeno blast that lingers in the back of your throat. It also travels up to your nasal passages. So if you have even the tiniest bit of congestion, this will fix you right up. 😀

So if you are looking for a perky soda that packs a spicy punch, with all-natural ingredients, this is the one for you!

Happy Eating!


FTC Disclaimer: Pure Sodaworks product was purchased by me. All opinions are my own.

To the Person with Mental Illness Sitting in the Church Pew

Living with a mental illness and being a follower of Jesus can seem to be contradictory for those outside the church. After all, if you are a Christian, you aren’t supposed to struggle with depression and anxiety, right? Oh how I wish!

But the reality is we live in a broken world. A world where trials and pain don’t discriminate. Most times, we don‘t understand the why of struggle. But there is good news. There are ways to cope on this side of Heaven. Granted, these aren’t cure-alls, but ways to get you through.

As I noted in an earlier post, I live with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) during the late fall and winter months. Last year my husband installed LED lights to our living-room and I was amazed how well they worked to lift my moods. Of course like anything medical, things need to be adjusted from time to time. Serotonin levels can get used to the medicine used to raise them, and another one needs to come in to supplement.

Dear Christian, taking medication for your mental illness does not make you less of a believer in Jesus. It does not make you weak. Anyone that tells you your depression and anxiety remains because you haven’t prayed enough is someone not to be listened to. I know how much you’ve pled with God to take this away, to no avail.

My most used coping mechanism, along with the above, is humor. Learning to laugh at myself and find the humor in things has proven quite useful over the years. Last night I had a conversation with my cousins about this very topic. At one point my cousin used the line (borrowed from her favorite blogger, Glennon Doyle Melton); “Jesus loves me, this I know. For He gave me Lexapro.” My other cousin and I laughed pretty hard, but it got us all thinking. Even in our mental illness, God is there. He gives us ways to cope with our situation, even if we don’t understand the why’s. I even wrote a song that came out of that conversation:

Sung to the tune of Jesus Loves Me…..

Jesus Loves me, this I know.
For He gave me Lexapro.
He gives me nutritious food,
LED’s to boost my mood.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
My Xanax tells me so!

Hang in there, friends! You are not alone!


**Information about Glennon Doyle Melton can be found here