Tendonitis, Trash and Theft: Unfortunate Alliterations

Glad to be back to blogging today. I took the last few days off so my hands could rest–pesky tendonitis flare up–and to get caught up with some housework. So without further ado let’s talk about……trash.

It’s a universal tie that binds. No matter where you live on the planet, you’ll have to deal with trash, and it’s disposal, on a regular basis. In some places, you can get trash picked up by a city-owned trash service–provided it’s properly bagged and placed in the accompanying dumpster, set on the curb. Some places you pay for this service, in other locations it is free.

Our fair city is going through a bit of a trash can crisis. Although trash pick up is free, some residents require an extra can, a can that is provided for a small fee. In recent months trash cans all over the city are mysteriously disappearing. Much like the Tooth Fairy in reverse, residents go to sleep after having set their cans out to be picked up, and in the morning they are gone. No amount of money is left anywhere.

Fortunately, the company that issues the trash cans are a benevolent folk, who replace the stolen cans at no cost to residents–no matter how many times the same house requests a new one. Unfortunately, the replacement cans take a few days to arrive, forcing residents to stockpile their bagged up trash inside their homes or on their front lawns. That paints a lovely picture of Americana, doesn’t it? And the accompanying smell? Not exactly Chanel No. 5. 

This brings up two important questions. Who is taking them and WHY?? Perhaps it’s a rogue team of oversized squirrels, hellbent on taking trash cans to turn them into large apartment spaces for the broader squirrel community. Or maybe a mysterious spell is cast on our trash cans after dark, enabling them to sprout limbs and run away to an undisclosed location, underground and out of sight.  Just for fun.  The official theory formulated by the trash company, and floating around town, is that there are those among us that need an extra can but lack the desire or resources to pay the extra can fee.

So now that we’ve theorized on the how and why what can be done to change this? Spray painting house addresses on cans have done nothing to stop this wave of larceny. Some have suggested attaching a GPS (Global Positioning System) to the can with duct tape and wait to find out where it ends up. Seems reasonable given the number of cans some residents have gone through but this solution may be more costly than effective. The most obvious solution would be to keep trash cans off the curbs and inside of garages until trash pick up day. But what happens if you are at work all day or physically unable to bring in the can after the trash has been picked up?  Do you watch desperately as it’s carried off by the above-mentioned squirrels? There’s a police report that you never thought you’d file.

Perhaps the solution isn’t as hidden as we think. Maybe our fair city could set aside funds to defray the cost of extra cans for those that need them. Helping to curb the trash crisis and clean up our piece of Americana. Or maybe we should just put those oversized squirrels on the city payroll to stand outside houses and ensure no cans are taken. Then they’d be able to buy their own apartments. Problem solved.

Clearly, this one is a bit bigger than our cities current needs! 

*steroid popping squirrel appears courtesy of http://capitalcitiesusa.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/01-giant-squirrel.jpg