“It’s better to be single the rest of your life than married to the wrong person”
“Women with disabilities have a 40% higher chance of being a victim of domestic abuse”
(2017 Stats American Psychological Society)
Over the weekend Chad and I celebrated 4-1/2 years of wedded bliss. And it made me reflect on my life and what it took to get me to this point. To be able to wake up every day to the man of my dreams.
Growing up I never had a boy show any interest in me. Even through high school, I was never asked out on dates.
This changed my sophomore year of college when I was introduced to a guy who was a mutual friend of one of my college suitemates. Although we lived several states apart, we began emailing and phoning back and forth and I fell head over heels for him.
He was charming and funny.
He told me I was pretty and that he loved me. We made tentative plans to meet in the summer.
Then things got weird.
Whenever I would mention hanging out with guy friends, he became extremely jealous. To the point of contacting some of my guy friends to tell them we were a couple. And to basically back off.
Then through our conversations, he began to ask inappropriate questions like what my ‘measurements’ were.
He then suggested I needed to get off my anti-depressant because “I thought having a boyfriend would fix all your problems.”
You know that thing where your mouth works faster than your brain? Yeah. That happened a lot with this guy. Except that his brain believed what his mouth was saying. ( e_e )
To be honest, this made me uncomfortable, but as a 19-year-old who had never dated before, I clung to the very thin shred of good stuff.
Even though he saw me as an object to be possessed, not a treasure to be cherished.
But then he would tell me I was pretty and that he loved me.
Even so, I decided one day I needed a break. I asked him to not contact me through phone calls, email or snail mail for one week. So I could get my thoughts together.
This is when the gifts started arriving in the form of flowers. That I could not enjoy because I knew he was trying to manipulate me to get back together. Even so, I decided to get back together with him.
Afterall he said he loved me and called me pretty. And I’d never gotten flowers from a guy before.
Weeks passed, the school year ended, and my parents came to drive me back home. During the 18-hour trip, we had a long talk about my relationship with this guy. And their concerns that he wasn’t treating me well. Then my mom asked me something I’ve never forgotten: “Do you think this will be it?” In other words, “Do you think this will be the last time a guy shows interest in you?”
And to be honest in that moment as a 19-year-old, my answer was yes. I honestly thought he’d be the best I would ever have. Nearly 20 years later, I see the flaw in that reasoning. To think that things couldn’t ever be better. That I deserved better.
Dear reader, the enemy comes to lie, cheat and destroy. The enemy will feed you the lies that this is the best you’ll ever have. That you don’t deserve someone who loves you for you.
These are lies from the pit of hell.
If he sees you as an object to be possessed, instead of a treasure to be cherished, he’s not the one.
If he forces you to disconnect from friends or family, he’s not the one.
If he hits you, even once, he’s not the one.
If he forces you to do anything that you don’t want to do, sexually or otherwise, he’s not the one.
You deserve the best and I promise the wait is SO worth it.