Steemit Exclusive: The Dangers of Getting Dressed in the Dark…..

Growing up in the midwest, there is a certain time of year, namely winter, where you get up before the sun and have to leave for work or school before the sun is up. When I was in high school, I had to ride to school with my mom who was a teacher at the high school I attended. This meant that there were plenty of days that I’d have to get dressed in the dark.

Fortunately, I was still able to look as presentable as you’d imagine for someone who went to high school in the late 90’s, knee-deep in the grunge style scene.

There was one slight drawback for getting dressed in the dark. And I never figured it out till it was almost too late.

I suppose it was my own fault. See, I had a habit of wearing the same pair of jeans more than once in a week. Normally, I’d wear the same pair on consecutive days. But back then I also had a bad habit of not shaking out my pants before putting them back on.

I blamed this on how early I had to wake in the morning.

It wasn’t until I was already at school, waiting for class to start, when all my friends were around, that I would make a grim discovery. I’d find a strange bulge in my lower pant leg. Now, because of my leg brace, I didn’t feel anything weird, it was only when I went to pull my legs to my chest when I was sitting down that I’d feel the strange bulge.

But what was it?

In a word, it was, um…….underwear. Dirty underwear to be exact.

Yeah, turns out I hadn’t shaken out my underwear from my jeans from the day before and they were now stuck in my pant leg.

At school.

In front of my friends.

Ladies and gentlemen, this would be the alternative dream to the one where you arrive at school naked.

So how did I retain my dignity and not let slip (pun intended) my mistake in getting dressed that morning? By a slow and sneaky sleight of hand maneuver. I’d put my hand over the bulge in my leg and begin rubbing it up and down like I had an itch….slowly working the offending garment down my pant leg and out through the leg hole. I’d scrunch it into a tight ball in my fist and hold it tight while I made a sort of “walk of shame” to my mom’s classroom where I’d hand it off to here and she’d put it in her desk. The thought never occurred to me to put it in my locker. I guess I figured it’d be more likely to fall out when I opened my locker and then I’d really give everyone something to talk about.

In a school of no less than 200 students, a tale of runaway underwear would have spread as fast as the tickets sell out for a Taylor Swift concert.

Now you’d think that perhaps this only had to happen once for me to remember to shake out my jeans when I took them off.

You’d be wrong.

Even 20 years later I can remember this happening no less than 3 times.

So why did I include this story? Well, you see, I got dressed in the dark this morning and am now writing this entry in an isolated corner of the grocery store.

With a balled up pair of dirty underwear in my fist.

Some people never learn. 


LAFF on Thursday: Extreme Poo-Pourri Experiement….

Well, my husband and I prepared to welcome the new year in style. Sort of. Ok, not really in a conventional way. We did use a product that we’ve wanted to try for awhile and just got for Christmas;  a travel-sized bottle of Poo-Pourri. (Um, thanks?? 😉 😀 )

Now for those of you who don’t appreciate bathroom humor, (which is a perk of a child-free house. You can openly gloat about a good poot without worrying that your kid will gleefully let one rip and give commentary in the middle of, say, aunt Ida’s funeral mass), Poo-Pourri is a spray that you mist in the toilet bowl before you, ehem, let one go. The sprays are made of essential oils that supposedly trap the smell from the offending thing, and gives the bathroom a pleasant smell of, in our case, “Lemon, Bergamot, and Lemongrass.”

In our first time using this toilet spray, we kinda upped the ante, so to speak. We were coming home from my family Christmas and in our haste to unload everything, we lost the spray tube of Poo-Pourri. When I couldn’t find it the next day, I thought maybe it was still in the car. Well, when my husband returned home, he presented the box it came in…it was soaking wet. See, it had rained all the night before and since it was dark, we couldn’t see that we had accidentally dropped the container of Poo-Pourri on the side of the road. In. The. Rain.

Honestly I thought maybe we had ruined the product, but that made us want to test it out even more. I mean, how great would it be if this thing worked great even after almost being drowned in wintery midwest yuck?  Earlier today we had a chance to try it out.

First, prep the bowl by spraying the water 3-5 times. Then do your thing. Now, it’s supposed to, according to the commercial, trap the odor so all you smell is the essential oils you just sprayed into the bowl. Which, it kinda does. But you do get a tiny whiff of something else.

If I had to give this product a rating, I’d give it a 3.5 out of 5. Maybe we need to try another scent. Or maybe I’ll just unscrew the bottle and dump the entire contents in the next time I take a d…..never mind 😀