Advice From a Modern Princess Bride

Over the weekend my husband and I celebrated our “monthaversary”. Yes, we are that couple who celebrates our wedding anniversary once a month. Nothing big. Some months we just greet each other by acknowledging it and saying, “happy anniversary!” 

This summer we will have been married two years. As I thought about writing this entry last night, I realized I’ve really not done the whole married thing for too long, but wondered if enough time had passed to qualify me to give advice. I decided I’d do it anyway ;-). A sort of, “Here’s What I’ve Learned So Far” piece. So without further ado:

1. Keep your fights off Facebook: Ah, social media. Where you can go to find out what time that party starts, and what your best friend from kindergarten had for breakfast. Sometimes you can also find out what they fought about last night. In detail. Airing your arguments in a public forum such as FB undermines your privacy as a couple. Communicate with each other. If you have gripes with one another, it’s more productive to talk with one another, or go see a neutral 3rd party, than hash it out via social media.

2. Speaking of social media, if you or your spouse posts something on FB or another platform, and the other person objects to it’s content, push your pride aside and delete it. It’s not worth upsetting your spouse to stoke your own ego or to get a laugh.

3. Keep date night sacred: Make sure you are spending regular time together as a couple. Only postpone this time if there is an emergency such as a death in the family or one of you is sick.

4. Pray for your spouse daily: My husband is the one that works full-time for us. In a job that brings with it daily risks. Praying for his safety and stamina every day is one thing I can do to encourage and bless his day.

5. Sex: Ok this is a biggie. Especially if you are a follower of Jesus and waited to have sex till marriage. As a child growing up in the church, all I heard about sex was that, while a wonderful thing, not to do it till I was married. But the one thing no one tells you is once you are married, there is this unspoken pressure to consummate your marriage. Much like flipping a switch, you are expected to go from virgin to post virgin in a split second. I’m here to tell you, it’s not that easy. It can be disappointing to realize sex isn’t as natural as society tells you. If you don’t have sex on your wedding night, you are NOT a failure. Talk with your partner and make it a priority to work on this part of your relationship. Don’t put pressure on yourselves to be like others. Perception and reality are two different things and, the couples you most want to emulate could be struggling with the exact same thing! That grass on the other side of the fence? Astroturf.

This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s one I hope you find helpful in your own marriage. If you are struggling with any of the above, remember you are not alone!