The events in the following blog happened a month ago but I haven’t been able to upload this until today. Enjoy!
We have a good news/bad news situation here. The good news is that after my blog about our fruit fly infestation, they hit the road and we are fruit fly free (try to say that 10 times fast 😛 ).
The bad news is that my set of house keys went missing last Sunday morning. As in, we had the door open to walk/roll out to the car to go to church and Chad wanted to make sure I had my keys and when I went to look in my purse, they were gone.
Now, I didn’t immediately panic because this happens to us more frequently than you might think (or if you know us in real life, you wonder why it doesn’t happen more often). But in the moment I didn’t panic because 9 times out of 10 when we can’t find the house keys it usually takes no more than 10 minutes to find them and get out the door.
This was the 10th time.
So instead of going to church, we listened to Pandora praise and worship music while we TORE. THE. HOUSE. APART. looking for my keys.
No luck. And because we didn’t have an extra set of keys (they were lost a few months ago. Like I said earlier, I’m surprised this hadn’t happened sooner), we couldn’t both leave the house because we had no way of locking the door behind us. While home we continued to look over places we had already checked.
Sunday turned into Monday with no keys in sight.
So to sum up, in the last week we’ve dealt with what seemed to be an apocalyptic influx of fruit flies and now our only set of keys was gone.
If this had been Biblical times, we’d be readying for frogs to start falling from the sky. Or festering boils on our skin. At this point the element of surprise seems to be an important part of our current list of crises.
So when Monday rolled around I decided to up my “finding” game. At this point, Chad and I had a theory that our youngest cat, Riley, had somehow taken off with my keys and hid them because he seems to have a bit of separation anxiety when I specifically leave the house for any length of time.
This theory was weird to me because my key chain is particularly heavy and I had my doubts up to this point that Riley would be able to carry them off.
Until Monday afternoon when my keys had not shown up, even after clearing out sections of our house that hadn’t been cleaned since the mid 80’s.
I even went into the bathroom and went through our full trash-piece-by-piece (and shaking it to see what would fall out) to no avail. It was like a disgusting version of “Double Dare” except there was no cash prize for finding my keys.
Then I moved back into the living room and turned my attention towards our couch (that has been in Chad’s family for over 40 years and looks like it. But it’s so comfortable we wouldn’t think to throw it away.)
When no keys were found underneath the cushions, I knew what I had to do. I would have to take all the cushions off the couch and upholstered chair that was its twin (Yep the couch has a mini-me) and stick my hand into the cracks to see what I could find.
This is where panicked ensued. I REALLY didn’t want to do that. Like, the couch is over 40 years old and who KNOWS what has fallen into the cracks in that time.
**BLECH** (Sidenote: Now I know this is written medium, so you couldn’t tell but that “blech” was me dry heaving looking back on the memory of sticking my hands down the cracks of the couch.)
No keys. Dang-it!
So then I moved onto the couch’s “mini-me,” removed the cushion, said a small prayer to my Lord and Savior and stuck my hand down the back crevice of the chair.
I hit the mother-load! And by mother-load, I mean Riley’s hiding spot for random items found in our house. I do have a picture somewhere of all the items I found, but because I’m too lazy to try to find it (I may upload it here later), I’ll just list them below. In the crack of the chair I found: 5 q-tips, the other end of the tampon that he’d kicked underneath the fridge, a ballpoint pen, one of his stuffed mice toys and one of Chad’s hair picks! When I pulled out the hair pick, I began to realize the probability was pretty high that our over-sized furry Cheeto had made off with my keys.
Guys, I even combed through the litter boxes just to make sure he didn’t put them in there.
Two nights later I’m still looking for my keys in our suddenly clean could-eat-off-the-floor-or-lick-it living room, when I heard Chad come home from work. As he’s walking up to our porch I hear something jangling. When he walked into the house he said, “Guess what I found?” And proceeds to pull out MY KEYS!!
Apparently one night after work, Chad was walking up to the house and ran into one of our neighbors. Distracted, he set the keys down on our railing while he had a conversation with our neighbor. And forgot about them. At some point that night my keys fell off the railing and into the bushes.
Where they had been laughing at us ever since for not finding them sooner.
So after we FINALLY got my keys back, we immediately went to get copies made to
make sure when we lost our keys again because we will because it’s us give to our closest friends so that we’d have a way to get in the house if we ever lose them again.
We trust and love these friends so much, they are in our will. Seriously. So we felt very comfortable giving them a spare set of keys to our house just in case.
Guys, can you see where this is going? Yeah, hours after handing over our spare keys to our closest friends in the world, THEY. WENT. MISSING. AGAIN.
Yeah. I couldn’t make this up if I tried. At this point all we could do was laugh and be grateful we had another set of back up keys.
At least our friends found our spare set 3 hours later. Which is why they are in our will.
Photographic evidence that we are in way over our heads appears courtesy of our personal photo archives