LAFF: Sibling Rivalry

Last week I woke up with Phoebe our oldest cat, standing on my stomach, staring into my soul.

She never blinks.

It’s creepy.

But whenever she comes over and stands on my lap or stomach, it means she needs something. But she had food, water and a clean litter box, so I was confused. And I had just woken up and hadn’t yet had coffee, so I was REALLY confused.

Until I began to hear scratching coming from our office door. Our closed office door. Then I realized what had happened. See, a few weeks ago Riley taught himself a new trick. He taught himself how to close the office door.

From the inside.

When he’s on the wrong side of the door to be able to do anything about it.

Then he scratches at the door until you come to rescue him. Sometimes when you go to open the door too soon after he gets in there, he’ll push against the door and swipe his paws underneath the door rapidly while meowing excitedly.

This time he must have been in there for a while because as soon as I opened the door he paused for a moment, shook his head and swiftly exited the scene. 

Yeah, didn’t even thank me. 😛 

The thing that warmed my heart about this whole episode was that Phoebe had come to me to let me know that her brother needed help. Even though Riley likes to jump on her and picks fights with her all the time, at the end of the day, she was worried about him. 

Or she was just annoyed by the sound of him scratching at the door. She’s a cat, it’s hard to tell. 😉 

Riley also tells us when he is worried about Phoebe. Awhile back we had to stay the night at a motel and Phoebe HATES riding in the car. As soon as she was in the room, she went and hid under the bed. Riley began to meow and run back and forth between us and her hiding spot. Like he was telling us where she was so we could get her out. 

I’m so glad they really love each other deep down inside. Despite the photographic evidence below. 😛 

Phoebe and Riley on Bed _LI

One of my favorite photos of our fur-babies. And I know what you are thinking, “Awww! That’s so sweet that you let a kindergartener caption your photo!”

Yeah, that’s all me.
Took me 45 minutes.
Thanks Windows 10! 😛 😀 

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The One Where Lulabelle Reconsiders Hygiene Rules She’s Followed Since Childhood…….

Well that lasted 9 months. Almost 9 months to the exact day. But today I had to do a reset of sorts.

Guys, I have to reset my vomit clock.

Again.

And to add insult to injury I was doing something you are taught in childhood to do several times a day to stay healthy.

I was brushing my teeth.

Yeah.

Let me repeat that.

I threw up because I was BRUSHING. MY. TEETH.

Now to ensure my breath is fresh, I brush over my tongue. I’ve down this for years. But today for some reason when I brushed my tongue my body decided it wanted to be reminded of what I had for breakfast.

In reverse.

Now I can probably pin-point the reason why this happened if I think back to how heavy-handed I can be with brushing my teeth. I once went to the dentist for a toothache and was told that it was gum inflammation caused by flossing my teeth too hard. He literally ordered me to STOP FLOSSING MY TEETH FOR A FEW DAYS.

True story! I mean WHO DOES THAT? 

Me, apparently. 😛 

So if you are keeping track, so far in the last 9 months the following things I used to partake in to keep myself healthy, I am now hesitant to ever do again in life: 

1. Take generic fish oil gel capsules that are the same size as the woman’s multivitamin I used to consume. 

2. The aforementioned woman’s multi-vitamin whose size had been labeled a “horse” pill. Why we are comparing vitamin size to a pill a horse takes is beyond me. I am not a horse so I shouldn’t have to digest something that is normally shoved up a horse’s nether regions. (I’m sure it’s probably taken orally, but surely sometimes this happens? Yes? Moving on…..) 

3. Brushing my teeth. Now I appreciate and love the feelings of slick, clean teeth on my tongue as much as the next guy, but when you see your breakfast in reverse after such an activity, you begin to think that maybe it’s not that big of a deal if your teeth get fuzzy and your breath becomes so foul that it could bring dragons back to life. 

I’ve always wanted a dragon.

And to be honest it would be quite useful at this point in my life. 😛 

So apparently what we have learned from all this is that growing older has some unintended consequences that I’m glad I didn’t know beforehand. 

I just hope the next time I brush my hair, it doesn’t fall out. 

Fingers crossed. 

It is a scientific fact that I’ve never once barfed after eating licorice. This is not my fault. It’s science. 

LAFF On Sunday: Accidental DIY’s…….

I have a question for those ladies that are um, well endowed in the chesticle region. Has the following ever happened to you? Picture it:

You just got out of the bathtub and while standing up to reach for something, you start to lose your balance. On instinct you bend your knees to try to rebalance yourself, but your knees start bending inward whilst at the same time your left boob, without forewarning, has dropped down BETWEEN YOUR KNEES!

Can you see where this is going?

Yes folks, it seems I just gave myself my first mammogram. At least it was free and I don’t need another one for at least another year.

Yay? 😛

LAFF On Wednesday: Pore-Pourri……..

I discovered something new several nights ago that has opened up a whole new world to me and I’m SO excited about it.

Guys, did you know that charcoal pore strips on your nose can get out literally *YEARS of build-up (that is if you’ve never used one before and just wash your face normally)?

Yeah. I’m officially obsessed.

To the point where after last night’s success, I focused on another area of my face that I wish was a bit smoother and hair free……my upper lip mustache.

Now if you didn’t know, a pore strip is like an industrial strength Band-Aid that you apply to your nose and leave on for 10-15 minutes and peel away. In that time it sucks out blackheads, dirt and impurities to give you a smoother, cleaner appearance. If you have particularly oily skin and haven’t used one in a while, you may end up losing weight in the process.

Seriously. 😉

So back to my thought process. The pore strip worked SO well on my nose I decided to give it a whirl on my upper lip mustache.

And if you are a longtime reader of mine you know why I’m blogging the experience…..

It didn’t go well. 😛

Now in the defense of the knock-off Biore brand of pore strip in question, the strip never claims to remove unwanted hair. I just assumed that if it managed to successfully grab out gunk from deep within your pore, taking out unwanted hair wouldn’t be that much of a stretch. I mean, since it’s already down by the root of the hair anyway it might as well grab it and yank it out on the way back up the pore.

Not doing so is kinda irresponsible if you really think about it.

So what exactly happened? Well, take a look:

lulabelle pore strip fail

Now I know you can’t see it in the picture above, but the pore strip DID NOT remove any of my mustache hair but instead DYED. IT. BLACK.

Now I like Charlie Chaplin as much as the next guy, but I don’t necessarily want to look like him. My general beauty routine is to make my mustache not as visible. I never try to highlight it. But maybe this could be a new trend. Women accentuating their mustache.

I suppose if men have started wearing man buns and rompers in pastel colors (you do you, boo) women can stop minimizing their mustache hair. Maybe the next big thing will be unicorn mustache hair where the person dyes their upper lip hair pastel colors and throws some glitter on it for good measure.

Now that’s a trend I could get behind. 😛

*Ok, so technically the box says the strip only takes out a few weeks of gunk, but I’ve never done it before so I’m SURE it took out WAY more than the package described. Seriously, you can’t convince me otherwise.

**Disclaimer–Don’t try this at home, kids. The back of the box says to not use on anything other than your nose and we all know how I tend to test “directions” and throw them out the window. That is how the “Lulabelle Cooks Without a Net” series got started. I just wanted to throw that out there in case someone tries this and it doesn’t go well and they end up trying to **sue me for planting bad life choice ideas into their heads.

**At least wait until my blog has generated SOME income. 😛

****PS: When using a pore strip on your nose, make sure you leave it on at least 10 minutes until it dries. Otherwise, this could happen. This PSA has not been sponsored. I just wanted to perform a public service. Your welcome. 😀 (Also do this when you are near a working clock 😉 )

LAFF On Sunday: Sleep Deprivation and Porch Light Coffee…..

I’m sitting here on Sunday evening at our local Denny’s restaurant waiting for our business meeting to start regarding our new taxi cab business.

I’m in my pajamas.

It was a dare.

That I jumped on enthusiastically.

The weird thing is NO ONE is batting an eyelash. Seriously, I fit right in with the Sunday evening crowd.

Go figure.

I’m doing my Friday blog on Sunday because honestly, with this new job, things have gotten a bit crazy on our end. How crazy? Yeah, about that. We came home from a night out last week, got the keys out to open the front door and found this:

Porch Light Coffee

Yeah. We had a cup of to-go coffee stuck on top of our porch light. It was leftover from a business meeting we had 4 DAYS EARLIER. We came home that night and Chad’s hands were full, so he stuck his cup of to-go coffee on top of our porch light in order to have hands free to unlock the door.

And forgot to grab the coffee before he got into the door. And I know what you are thinking and yes, I DID think about drinking the coffee and doing a blog about it, but that particular porch light attracts most of the bugs we get on our porch, so I quickly decided that would have been a bad life choice.

Starting a business from scratch is hard work. It takes perseverance (which 9 times out of 10 includes sleep deprivation), persistance and drive. And lots of caffeine.

Just try to remember to take it off the porch light before you drink it. 😉

Cheers!

Dropped Luggage and a Race Against Time…..

So a couple of things before we get into our topic of the day:

1. Yes, I was able to get Riley off my back to continue blogging my thoughts on random things.

2. That snow that was predicted? Yeah, it came. And today it was back to warm-ish weather. Go figure.

Now, on to our topic of the day……..

I got my period yesterday. Aunt Flo had been circling the area for about a week and finally dropped her luggage while I was enjoying lunch with friends at Panera Bread.

Now, I don’t say this to overshare or for “shock value.” (OK, actually that’s not **completely** true, I mean….admit it…you read those words and if you didn’t click off the page right away, you wanted to keep reading 😉 #Weirdo ). This random fact is actually an important piece of information to better understand my story today.

The free clinic in town was having a Woman’s Health day on Saturday and offering free Pap smears. Because I figured it was time for me to have an exam on my lady bits, I went.

Now for most women, a Pap smear isn’t a fun day at the beach, but a necessary evil to keep yourself healthy. And I had grown up with the notion that I needed one once a year.

Apparently that was a lie.

According to new standards set by people who were in school longer than I was, guidelines for Pap smears have changed. In short, **women who are aged 21-29 should have a Pap smear every 3 years. Those 30 and over should have one every 5 years, ending at age 65. However, if you change sexual partners in a year or have a history of cervical cancer, it’s recommended you still have a yearly exam.

(Sidenote: I really feel like every woman should have been informed about this change in guidelines in some way. Possibly through the mail. I mean, we all get enough junk mail, so it’s not like they don’t know where we live. 😛 )

The other reason why I would have loved to have this piece of information before I went into my appointment was because I have a bit of anxiety when I anticipate having a Pap smear. To the point where I NEED TO have someone hold my hand during the entire procedure. And my hand-holder of choice, Chad, had to work and couldn’t be there.

So I found out about this Woman’s Health Day at the free clinic more than a month ago so I’ve been anticipating and worrying and fretting about this appointment for a Pap smear for literally WEEKS in advance of the actual event.

WEEKS!

Also, when I saw the date of the Woman’s Health Event, my stomach dropped. Why? Because I realized that was the day my period was due. Aunt Flo is so regular that I can predict her arrival with a high degree of accuracy. Except this month I was completely wrecked with worry. Especially all this week I was on edge because the last thing I wanted was to get my period and not be able to get a Pap.

And every day I felt like it was a race against time. Each day that passed without Aunt Flo’s ominous knocking on my uterus was one day closer to her arrival, and the less likely that I’d be able to get my lady bits checked for free.

There is really nothing like going into the Dr.’s office, anticipating a procedure you’ve been anxious about all week, then being told you don’t need that procedure and almost making them do it anyway because DARN IT you’ve been worried about it all WEEK!! (Then realizing that’s a really dumb line of thinking, you leave the office before they can change their minds, but not until after you get your hands on the free goody bag they are handing out to all participants.*)

So why even write about such a personal topic? Well, several reasons: 1. I had NO idea the Pap smear guidelines had changed and I figured if I didn’t know, there are others that didn’t know either. 2. Having anxiety over Pap smears makes these new guidelines all the more important because when you live with anxiety, the more stressful activities you can put off the better. 3. In writing about this topic, I am helping to take away the stigma that we can’t openly discuss intimate health issues. It is NOT dirty or shameful or wrong. Talking about it saves lives.

And you are never alone!

Cheers!

*So I know what you are thinking, “The first thing in a Woman’s Health Day goody bag would be chocolate.” Yeah. You’d be wrong. But the things inside were just as useful: hand sanitizer, a comb, feminine hygiene products, razors and a clinic pamphlet.

**Like anything else, these are just general guidelines. Every person and situation is different. If you have any doubts, talk to your doctor before putting off a Pap smear.

LAFF: Holy Shiatsu!…….

This weather has been mighty strange lately. This week it hit 60 degrees. In February. In winter. Tomorrow it is supposed to snow.

This kind of weather can be brutal on your joints when you reach a certain age. Like 37. So I could really use a massage. But unfortunately, a massage isn’t in the budget this week. So I had to think outside the box.

And outside that box was Riley. Our youngest cat. In all his farty, water bowl dumping glory.

Things started out well, he jumped on my back and walked up and down my sore muscles. Melting away the pain. Then, things uh, took a turn. And now I need a bit of advice……

Does anybody know how to get an ambivalent, farty cat off your back??

photo-on-2017-02-24-at-01-34

If I can figure this out, I’ll blog again on Monday. Wish me luck! 😛

Cheers!