LAFF on Wednesday: Unrequited Love…..

A few months ago we had some excitement in our house so I began to write this blog and today I wanted to share the story………

Riley is in love. But there is a twist……..

She doesn’t love him back.

So he’s been a bit depressed.

See, 3 weeks ago, Chad went out to the car to get something out of it. On his way back to the house he observed a stray cat sauntering up to our front door. Riley happened to be on the other side of the door and the moment he saw her, he was smitten.

Seriously. This was OMG-I-have-to-have-you-right-now-even-though-I’m-fixed-and-I-don’t-know-what-“have-you”-means kind of love.

But again, the feeling was not mutual. Here, take a look:


He’s all like, “Let her in! I love her!!” and she’s all like, “Eh. I’m bored.” (Or as my mother-in-law suggested, maybe she was getting ready for their future date. But I doubt it. Why? Keep reading….)

When Little Miss Stray finished her grooming and turned around to face the door and Riley, she hissed.

In some ways, I honestly don’t blame her. I mean, if I was as pregnant as she was and came upon a member of the male species, I may have had the same reaction.

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention, Miss Stray Kitty appeared to be slightly less pregnant than Octomom. Unfortunately, we couldn’t figure out when she would go into labor.

So I set up a box on the porch a few nights later, lined with a blanket and lid so she’d have a good place to give birth when the time came.

And she kept coming around every evening around 7. She’d come running up to our porch for a little snack (yes we kept a small bowl of food out for her). And right as rain, Mr. Riley would run to the door to watch her eat and pine away. His pining would inevitably include clawing at the door and cooing in her direction.

It was all very romantic.

But the thing was, she kept coming around. Every night between 7 and 8. And slowly but surely she began to coo back at Riley.

And thus began a relationship, albeit through a glass door.

It was beautiful. And I started to feel things stirring in my soul.
I wanted to keep her.

But I knew we couldn’t. Because two female cats in one house had never gone over well for us. It inevitably leads to one female to cower under the kitchen table and a puddle of pee on the kitchen floor. 

And honestly, I don’t think that’s good for my bladder. 😛 

But the weeks went by (Yes, weeks. We did put out a message on our local missing pets forum on FB, but got no leads.) I began to look forward to seeing her every evening. 

One evening as we were watching her eat, Chad asked me what we should name her. 

Apparently, he had feelings too, but those feelings didn’t stay inside. They fell out of his mouth. I tried to maintain my dignity and not let my emotions over-ride what I knew we had to do: 

“This one isn’t allowed in the house. She doesn’t get a name!” 

We named her Merida. (I cracked. Don’t judge me. 😛 ) 

Thankfully we were able to get her to the humane shelter days before she delivered.

Unfortunately, we hadn’t prepared Riley for her absence, so for the next week or so he’d go up to the door around 7pm every evening and meow and scratch the door. Then meander back and forth between me and the door, sadly meowing and wondering where his woman was. It was sad. And it took a few weeks for him to get over her and be happy again. 

And maybe we all hope that someday Merida will move next door so we can visit her and her kittens again. 

Here’s hoping. 

LAFF: Magic Erasers, Face Time and Cat Puke…..

Good Friday to you all! A few announcements before we tuck into today’s post.

1. I forgot to give you an update on how the knock-off brand of Magic Eraser worked out. Well, it was able to clear smudges off our drywall with ease. Unfortunately, that’s really all it was good for. And it started falling apart a few minutes into the de-smudging process. When I tried to remove the stains in our sink the ME failed to even remove the smallest trace of stainage (yep, I’m making up words today. Just go with it 😀 ). Also, the ME was useless in getting rid of the stains on the stove. So I’m giving this one a big thumbs down. I’ll purchase the real thing soon and see if that makes a difference.

2. In a bit of happy news, I received a phone call from the computer repair place saying they fixed what the first guy goofed up and my computer is ready to be picked up. We’ve been a one laptop family for so long (many months at this point. I can’t even remember when we took it in the first time) that I’m giddy with excitement. My littles have been wanting me to download Face Time for ages and this auntie will finally be able to see them on screen. This is their go-to method for talking to the grandparents and anyone else, so when I call, the 2-year old especially, gets confused as to why he can’t see my face. When asked to say “hi,” he will wave. Yep. Ah, ancient technology is confusing. 😀

So, our topic of the day? Cat food. Specifically being a two-cat family. Or poly-feline if you will (still making up words, people. I figure if I make enough of them up, at least one of them will make it into the dictionary! 😛 ).

When you are a poly-feline family, things like food distribution can be tricky. Especially if the cats refuse to eat out of anything but the same bowl. But both cats are old and need to watch their weight. Our solution? Feeding them several smaller meals throughout the day. This has worked beautifully. Except that occasionally we’ll forget and give them too much. This results in epic vomit piles that require copious amounts of paper towel and carpet cleaner to erase. As well as a strong stomach.

So, this week, taking a cue from the recent political campaigning for president, our cats thought up slogans that we can use to remind ourselves how much food they get. We held a contest and voted for the best one. The winning slogan was from the youngest, “Half a cup or we’ll throw up!”

The oldest sulked about the house. Upset that her slogan wasn’t chosen. She was, however, given creativity points for use of imagination. Her slogan?…..

“Half a scoop, or we’ll throw our poop!!”

Yep. She has issues. 😀

cat puke blog

LAFF: Midlife Crisis Cat…

Today has been a long day. From reading about all the junk that is going on in the world, to having to break up a cat fight in our living room, I’m about done with today. I need some humor to halt the downward spiral this day has taken. The cats are fine, the oldest one punched the youngest in the eyeball. The youngest is now walking around the room in a daze, blinking the affected eye open and closed. It’s kinda creepy….like she’s flirting with the whole room. Yes, I checked her out and she is otherwise fine.

Although the oldest has been a bit morose lately. She just had a physical and was given a clean bill of health so it’s not that. Although she did just wee outside the litter box a few days ago. But I think I know what the problem is.

She’s having a mid-life crisis.

See, up until quite recently, she was a model for a high-end brand of cat food. She’d prance around before the camera, nuzzling the bag and purring contentedly as tiny morsels of squab and duck rained down into the waiting bowl with a satisfying clinking sound. But in the past year or so, she’s gained a few pounds and her contract was canceled because, according to the brand, she “no longer resembles the svelte cat we originally wanted for our campaign.” Despite the fact that the weight she gained was due to her plentiful diet of a high-end cat food containing squab and duck. Apparently, cause and effect is not something that cat food executives understand.


Anyway, because of her modeling background, she was able to rub noses with other famous felines. She even dated Squeakers the cat, the grandson of the original Morris from the 9Lives commercial. But he dumped her last month because he wanted to see other cats. Of course, she was devastated. As part of her post-break-up reaction, she went on a cat-nip bender for about 2 days. I’m still coming across flecks of nip in the carpet.

There is a bit of good news though. She just signed up for a feline yoga exercise class as a way to relieve stress. She’s also in therapy to help regain her self-esteem. To love herself at her current size. Every night before bed she stands in front of the bathroom mirror and repeats the following: “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!”

If you are going through a period of morosity, take heart, you are not alone. Even cats have times of funk, but they always land on their feet. 🙂



She was REALLY thirsty! 😀

Leave a Message at the Beep…..Please!

To the random person that called me this morning: 

I’m sorry I missed your call. See, I have an old cat that has been quite needy lately. So needy in fact that she insisted on sleeping with her body attached to my skull. My phone was on the other side of her and in order to answer it I had to wake up, make sure to reach over the cat, and then engaged in a sort of blind game of “Where Is It” where my hand randomly smashed down onto my nightstand as I desperately attempted to locate my phone. Then I had to push my hair out of my eyes so I could see, then push the button on the phone to answer. After all of this, I’m sorry you gave up and hung up on me. If you were to call back and I don’t answer right away, please leave a message after the beep. Thanks! 

Oh, and word to the wise; don’t let your cat borrow your phone to make a quick call. You’ll regret it. 😀

*Irresponsible cat appears courtesy of: