LAFF: Mowed Over…….

It’s been a rough week. I want to address what’s in the news lately, but today, I thought we should have a little diversion with a funny story about one of our first world problems. I hope this makes you smile.Β 


It’s that time again. With the warmer weather, it’s time to make sure your yard is mowed regularly and well-groomed.

Y’all, Chad and I have had the worst time getting someone to mow our grass and clip the hedges. We hired someone two years ago, but they quit last year. Because Chad has allergies and our yard is too small for a riding lawn mower (so I can’t do it), we realized quickly that our only option was to use a lawn service. So I started asking around and someone (who shall remain nameless because I don’t blame them one bit) contacted me with the name of a local, family-owned lawn care business.

Sound promising? Read on……

Now, in the beginning, I was pretty impressed. They answered my inquiry quickly and were able to accommodate our hectic schedule by agreeing to do the work on a day where other businesses were normally closed. On the first day they mowed, I told them that of course the grass needed to be mowed and the large weeds in the front and side of the house needed to be removed. Including that weed on the side of our house by our porch. I specifically remember telling them to remove the porch weed.

Remember that one? Yeah, the one that was so large we used it as a Christmas tree (from December to April as it turns out, but that’s neither here nor there). Honestly, it’s gotten SO much bigger since December that you hardly have to open the door the entire way to see it in its full glory. And yes I have tried plucking it out with my dainty hands and Goliath strength, but it’s passed the point at which tools wouldn’t be necessary.

We agree on a reasonable payment and the guy shows up to do the work. Now, this is where I made the mistake. After the first mowing session ended, I noticed the porch weed was still firmly cemented in the side yard. The guy told me that he’d get to it next time, he just didn’t have his lopper with him (I don’t know why this word sounds like a euphemism for something else. But there it is).

This was my mistake. I should have told him we couldn’t pay him till the job was done, but as this was our first go around, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I should have reread that first sentence in the above paragraph. Even when he was mowing the grass last week, I could have sworn I heard a weed eater whirring in the background.

So it was to my great surprise and annoyance that I saw the porch weed sitting, untouched, hugging the cool concrete when I opened the door after he had finished. He had knocked on the door so he could say he was finished and I could pay him. But the instant I saw the weed, I looked at him, nodded and gazed toward the weed and pointed. He said, “What?” as I kept eye contact and kept my finger pointed firmly toward the weed.

His eye follows my finger to the weed, he gasped, throws up his hands and says, “$#@%&#!, I forgot my lopper again! Text me and remind me for next time!”

“WHAAATT??!!”

So, um, I guess it’s on me that I thought just verbally telling you what needed to be done would be enough to actually DO what I’m paying you to do.

My bad.

So because you forgot to bring your loppers (Ok, is this a real thing or a tool from Who-ville?), I forgot how to do the mathΒ and am only paying you for mowing.

Also, here is a handy-dandy little reminder for next time:

 

 

 

Good luck!!Β 

PS: Since this writing, the yard guy has been fired and our palatial acreage is on the hunt-for the 1,268th time-for an expert yard guy/girl/person.Β 

It may be about time to invest in a goat. πŸ˜›Β 

 

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**KA-POW!**

The following story was originally going to be included in my upcoming book, but I’m not sure where it would fit, so I thought I’d share it here.

Glasses. They are not something that all kids want. Especially a kid like me who constantly sat on them where they had to be replaced. With my allowance (Maybe. That part is a bit fuzzy πŸ˜‰ ).

But on this particular night, I was SO thankful that the Lord gave me crappy eyesight in need of glasses.

The year was sometime between 2007 and 2010. I was living in a small apartment in Louisville KY. When I say small, I mean small. My stove and oven unit was the size of a postage stamp. Ok, that was a slight exaggeration, but not too far off.

Anyway, my kitchen counter/sink/stove area was so small I only had one sink to wash and rinse dishes, which didn’t leave much room when dishes piled up……

And washing dishes is not my favorite activity, so they tend to pile up.

The only way I was able to do dishes when I let them pile up, was to put the extra dirty dishes on the stove as I washed them by hand.

One night I needed to use the stove top, so I moved some dishes to the back burner and turned on the front burner to boil water.

Except that the burner I turned on was in the back and under a pile of dishes. I realized this after smelling something weird and realizing what I had done. Without thinking, I began to furiously take each plate off the pile and put it in the sink.

With each plate taken off the burner, the next plate grew progressively hotter, so I started grabbing them at fast as I could.

Big mistake. Big, HUGE mistake.

As I grabbed the last plate to put it in the sink it SHATTERED into my hand, into my face (narrowly missing my eyeballs–Thanks horrible eyesight for shielding my eyes from flying glass with thick a** glasses (Also, thank you dad for my eyesight πŸ˜‰ ) and all over my kitchen floor. (Seriously, I was picking up glass shards in my kitchen for DAYS after “the incident.”)

So kids, if you fail that eye exam and are forced to get glasses, be grateful.

For you will be able to be reckless with plates. Apparently.

Go you!Β  πŸ˜€

When You Need an Umbrella And an Ark…….#Bloggertunities

**Blogger’s Note: Because of the busyness of life at the moment, this post took about a week to put together. Please note that the cab AC is now working and my teeth don’t hurt as bad.


Have you ever hear the expression, “When it rains, it pours”? The basic meaning behind this is that when something bad happens in your life, there is more behind it that rains down on you before the clouds finally break and a glorious rainbow emerges.

We are in the middle of the pouring stage and I kinda want to give whomever thought of this catchphrase a piece of my mind….or a well planted kick in the teeth (or an attempted kick. I just turned 37 and my legs don’t have as much range of motion as they did in my 20s πŸ˜› ).

Let me rewind a few years. Yes, years. Don’t worry, I’ll give you the short version πŸ˜‰ . So a couple years ago our water heater seemed to be close to death. It was leaking and Chad and I began trying to figure out how we were going to pay for another one. Then a few days later, the leaking mysteriously stopped. Feeling like we just got a little bit of relief, we put replacing the water heater on the back burner and focused on other things that needed to be replaced.

This is also something you do quite often as an adult. Delegating crisis severity.

Anyway, our hands-off approach seemed to work for our water heater until the other weekend when water began to leak more freely into the basement. We knew something had to be done. Like that day.

So we enlisted the help of a few amazing friends and set about replacing the water heater. Realizing this was going to be a big purchase, Chad drove our car and our friend drove his truck to pick up our new water heater with the goal of putting the water heater into the truck to bring it back to our house.

And what happened next can only be blamed on Murphy’s Law, and the fact that it’s us.

On the way out from the parking lot in our car, the serpentine belt FELL OUT from underneath our car.

Like, fell out onto the parking lot.

I don’t know much about cars, but apparently the serpentine belt is pretty critical piece of equipment for the operation of the car.

So if you are keeping track, our water heater bit the dust on the SAME DAY our car’s guts literally spilled out onto the parking lot.

*KERSPLAT!!*

Thankfully we were able to replace the water heater without going into debt and have it installed on the same day. Also, having a car die wasn’t a huge deal because we have a back up company car that Chad is allowed to use when he’s not at work.

Can you tell where this is going? Yep.

I’m not exactly sure why the cab stopped running a few days after crisis #’s 1 and 2. According to Chad, something overheated and apparently that’s a bad thing.

So without a car we had to scramble to get a few needed errands done this week. And part of that scramble included walking home from an appointment. I gotta admit this wasn’t too too bad because it was only a couple of blocks and it was a beautiful day.

Pretty romantic jaunt if I do say so myself. A much needed reprieve from the stress of our recent crisis’.

Then as I write this Chad is home from work because the company car’s AC is out. And I’m sitting here typing this while my back right wisdom tooth is just throbbin’ away.

Yeah, it’s been a long couple weeks!Β  πŸ˜€

Since blogging almost 2 years, I’ve begun to see life differently. Now when crisis hit or weird things in my life happen, I ask myself,”Would this make a good blog??” For example:

1. Did your water heater die and car bite the dust on the SAME DAY? Blog it!

2. Did you leave a cup of coffee in the dead car for three days? Drink it and blog the results! (After googling the effects of three day old coffee on the body πŸ˜‰ )

3. Has your stubborn cat refused to take her pill and you are about to pull your hair out? Send her to her aunt’s house with pill instructions and go on vacation! (OK, some situations don’t merit a good blog πŸ˜› )

It’s like I’ve begun to say recently, “It’s not a crisis, it’s a bloggertunity!”

Chad recently ran with this concept and on my birthday presented me with new internet domains with “bloggertunity” in the address. I don’t know what we’ll do with these, but I’m kicking around a couple of ideas I’ll share later.

So dear reader, if you are having trials in your life, don’t think of them as crisis….they are just bloggertunities!! So just start writing and keep watch for the rainbow to burst through the clouds.

I’m rooting for you. Remember you are never alone. πŸ˜‰

Cheers!

 

 

Clever Life Hacks That You Shouldn’t Try….

I just learned something new. While it may be fun and a much needed break to go off on a quick vacation in the middle of the week, there are drawbacks. The biggest one is the constant forgetfulness of what day of the week it is upon coming home.

At least half a dozen times today I thought it was Sunday. Seriously. I think I need a vacation to recover from my vacation. πŸ˜€

While on vacation though, I thought of this blog. And I have a question for all my readers:

So, let’s say you and your spouse went to a Weird Al Yankovic concert and during said concert, Weird Al performed the grammar appreciation song Word Crimes. During the song you actually learned a few tips that will make you a better writer and blogger. And because you are in the process of getting your blog to generate moolah, you wonder,

“Hmmmm….maybe I could write this concert off as a business expense.”

Eh, maybe that’s not the best idea. πŸ˜›

Beyond Tupperware…..Give Your Best Challenge…

The other day I was helping Chad get ready for work by packing his lunch. Occasionally he’ll pack up leftover pizza to eat later when work isn’t so busy. We’ve gotten into a habit of putting it in a deep Tupperware container that has a fancy lid that snaps into place on all sides (it’s square). It’s our fanciest piece of Tupperware and definitely a favorite. When it wasn’t in its usual spot or the three back up locations, the following conversation took place:

Me: “Honey, have you seen the good Tupperware that we keep your pizza for work?”

Chad: “Nope. Did we lend it out to somebody?”

Me: “I don’t think so. We aren’t that stupid.”

I immediately felt convicted.

Did I just seriously say that I’d not lend out or donate anything we have if it’s considered by me to be “the best one” or a “favorite”?

I thought about this further. In much of our 1st world culture, we hear things like, “donate your gently used (fill in the blank)” to whatever charity. Or when we hear of a community need, we look through our closet for things we don’t wear anymore, doesn’t matter if it is in good condition or especially stylish. And we walk away knowing that we’ve done a good deed.

But I have a challenge for all of us, including myself.

What if the next time someone asks to borrow something or a donation call is given, instead of looking for items that will “make do” why don’t we go out of our way to give our “favorite” or “best”? What would it be like if we gave without worrying about the value of the item? And focus more on the needs of others in the community.

So if you ever want borrow our best piece of Tupperware, you are more than welcome.

Assuming I can ever find it. πŸ˜‰

Cheers!

Jesus, Wine, and the Brilliance Behind the Red Solo Cup….

A coin toss? Yep, last night the democratic side of the Iowa caucus was decided by coin toss. Don’t believe me? Click here. I know, I’m just as surprised as you that it’s not an article in The Onion. Word on the street is she’ll pick her running mate by throwing a flaming lawn dart from a distance of 100 ft, blindfolded, onto a foam canvas affixed with the faces of potential candidates while former President Bill Clinton plays a rousing rendition of When The Saints Go Marching In. God Bless America!!……….. πŸ˜€


So yesterday I wrote about my wine experiment that went awry. Today, I thought we’d flesh out the topic of wine more. Specifically as it relates to followers of Jesus. Then I’ll tell you the story of why I bring my own wine glass to gatherings.

Honestly I was torn whether or not to tell this story because alcohol use is a divisive issue in the church. Specifically the denomination I was raised in. I grew up believing that good Christians never drank, and carried this belief into adulthood. I discovered at an embarrassingly late age what the Bible actually says about alcohol use. That it’s permitted as long as one doesn’t get drunk.

My first taste of wine was in college during a family Christmas dinner. After that for years I only ever drank alcohol once a year; Christmas day with my family. Through the years I realized I preferred red over white. Then I had sangria for the first time and fell in love. Now, occasionally when we go out to eat, if sangria is on the menu, I’ll order it. But I only drink it out of an appropriate glass. And ALWAYS bring a wine glass with me when I know wine will be served at an event.

This tradition of BYOG (bring your own glass) began after an incident at a Christmas function several years ago that has become a bit of folklore, but I swear it’s true. So, Chad and I were invited to a Christmas party thrown by friends from our small group. I was excited because they mentioned that sangria would be served. Unfortunately Chad had to work the night of the party, so I tagged along with friends.

It was a great party. Trays of food, live Christmas music playing on the piano, and of course, sangria. The only cups available were festive red Solo cups. Without much thought, I grabbed a cup, filled it with sangria and drank. I may have had two. Which seems perfectly reasonable until you consider that I filled them up slightly fuller than a typical wine glass portion. How did I know I had made a mistake? Well, when I started laughing at any and all noises I heard, I realized that I probably had a bit too much to drink. I hesitate to say I was exactly drunk, but definitely tipsy. Thankfully the friends that I rode with didn’t drink at all so I had a safe way home.

The story became something my friends and I would laugh over.

A few months later, the same friend who drove me home private messaged me this graphic on Facebook:

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Of course we had a good laugh over this. I had no idea the marks meant something. Actually according to Snopes.com (my go-to website for fact-checkery) this line explanation is completely coincidental, but I still think this makes a lot of sense.

So my friends, that is the story of why I now bring my own wine glass to gatherings. And never drink anything alcoholic out of those demon red cups. πŸ˜€

Cheers!

 

A New Role: Strategies for the New Housewife

Before we get into our topic of the day, I wanted to tell you about what I discovered last night. A few blogs ago I reviewed Poo-Pourri toilet spray. While we had a so-so experience with it, I realized last night that this toilet spray does double “doody” (see what I did there? πŸ˜‰ ) by working as a pretty great trash can deodorizer. Gently mist Poo-Pourri in your garbage can and yucky trash smells will drift away. You’re welcome πŸ™‚


Our topic of the day deals with strategies for coping when you are transitioning from a traditional job to being a housewife. First off, this is not a step down position by any means. Taking care of the house is something that is desperately needed and a role that is very fulfilling. But there are some things to keep in mind to ease this transition:

1. Make sure you get out of the house as least once or twice a week. Whether it be a standing coffee date with a girlfriend or going grocery shopping with your spouse, it’s important that you get out of the house on a regular basis. This will help you keep in touch with your social circle beyond your house and keep your mind mentally healthy.

2. Take regular showers. I know this one seems like a no-brainer, but somedays it’s tempting to just stay in your pj’s all day (I’m definitely guilty of this one πŸ˜‰ ). Some days that is what you need, but there really isn’t anything like taking a shower and feeling refreshed.

3. If you are a cat parent, housewife and blogger and your cat is interfering with you writing your blog; (read: the cat refuses to be anywhere else other than right between your face and the computer), take a break from writing and go do the dishes. (Full disclosure: This may be happening in real time πŸ˜€ )

4. Housework can be a bit boring everyday somedays. Making a habit of turning on music or the TV to keep you focused while you work helps make these tasks go by quicker. Alternatively, you can skip this step, do a chore and then reward yourself with your favorite TV show. I recommend watching it with a bag of chocolate covered potato chips. If you want to go healthy, they also make chocolate covered raisins.

Ok, I gotta get going. The cat is all up in my grill and before I inhale anymore of her hair, I should probably get up and finish washing the dishes. πŸ˜€Β 

Cheers!

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Doesn’t exactly go with our theme today, but it’s a personal mantra for my husband and myself. Seriously. I have a t-shirt that says this and we also have the phrase on a clock. In the kitchen. We are punny. (Although coffee does help my housewifery skills. Oh and this image appears on my blog courtesy of: pinterest.com )Β