LATE NIGHT LAFF: In Real Time: YouTube Edition: MASSIVE Cinnamon Toast Crunch Challenge (7,000 calories)

So here we are. May 27th, 2016 and for some reason, it’s so hot outside that even with the AC on and the windows closed, I still feel sticky. And gross.  You are right, I probably should take off my pajama pants that are velour.

Ok, I now see where I went wrong. Yep. Cotton is a much better fabric for summer.

So our household is about to begin a crazy month. A month where my brain is already anticipating the busyness and maybe I’m a little freaked out.

So when I thought about doing a blog today, my brain was having difficulty conjuring up, well, anything. Thankfully Chad shared the following video on my Facebook Timeline and viola’ my blog suddenly had an entry!

Today I’m going to expand my In Real Time series and watch and record my thoughts on a Youtube video of competitive eater Matt Stonie. In this video he eats 3 large boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (totalling 7,000 calories). I don’t know how long it takes him to eat this, but the video is 7 minutes and 40 seconds long. Let’s get started:

1:16-he’s just poured in the third box of cereal into the bowl and I’m already getting nervous. Like, I don’t want to see him throw up on video. Anyone else have throw up anxiety??

1:59-Dude just poured in an entire gallon of milk. It’s probably implied, but let’s face it, this is the US so it HAS to be said:

DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME!! #’merca

2:20-Ok, I guess I hadn’t paid attention. He actually only put in a box and a half of cereal, but they were the big ones.

2:41-Spoke too soon. He topped off the bowl. Lord have mercy!

3:00-About to start eating it (I think). I’d really like to see him go at it hands free without a spoon, just stick his entire head in the bowl! #whoswithme??

3:00-Fast Hawaiian drum luau music plays to heighten anticipation…..it worked. This is the most exciting part of my day #saddestsentenceever

3:13-He just whipped out a spoon. This is a bit of a let down! 😛

3:23-He’s now eating and I gotta say, it’s not as fast as I had anticipated. The spoon is large though and milk IS falling onto the counter.

3:27-Ah, they sped up the footage for our benefit. Kinda glad. I was getting bored. #ADHDisRealYo!

3:52-I’m actually tempted to run this to the end and then watch it in reverse to see the bowl mysteriously fill up with cereal…..Which I’m kinda hungry for now! #outtamilk #honeydewlist 😉

3:59-Wait, he now is taking a break to talk about how he’s feeling about the experience. Is this allowed?

4:52-He just announced that he’s trying to get it finished in 10 minutes. He then runs out of camera range. I think he puked. Came back with a napkin. #theplotthickens

4:58-PLOT TWIST**He just picked up the entire bowl and is drinking the excess milk. That must have been what was slowing him down. It’s been 8:03:20 (video sped up in parts)

6:01-At this point it’s more milk than cereal. He looks like he’s not sick. #miracle

6:39-He’s FINISHED! His time was 17:06:16. He looks relieved….and a little nauseated. Oh Lord, please don’t let him puke. I watched the whole thing and he didn’t puke once.

So the video is done and my final thoughts are that this was a bit anti-climatic. I mean, there wasn’t even one milk spew. I went to high school with a kid that once drank about a gallon of milk, which was impressive enough….until we saw it in reverse! At least that was a little entertaining. 

This just made me hungry!

 

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In Real Time: Where Lulabelle Watches a Movie and Records Her Thoughts in Real Time: My Best Friend’s Wedding…..

Today I’m so excited to present to you my second installment in my series In Real Time. This is how it works-if you were too lazy to read the title 😉 – I watch a hokey movie and record my thoughts in real time. And I had a special helper to write this one:

Photo on 2016-05-17 at 21.12

Today’s selection is a throwback from 1997. My Best Friend’s Wedding starred Julia Roberts as food critic Julianne Potter whose best friend, Michael played by Dermot Mulroney, is planning to marry a billionaire’s daughter, played by Cameron Diaz, whom he’s only known for a short period of time.

The catch?

Julianne is in love with Michael and when he calls to tell her of his engagement, she thinks he’s calling to tell her he loves her too (he calls within days of her 28th birthday, and years earlier they make a pact that if neither one of them was married by the time they turned 28, they’d marry each other–they were involved romantically for “one hot month”).

So as Julianne is on her way to see Michael, she devises a plan to break up the wedding. I won’t give away the ending, but here are my real time reactions.

The Opening Credits:

40 seconds in and the intro is Dusty Springfield’s song “Wishin’ and Hopin”with a dancing bride and bridesmaids.

Right away the hokeyness factor is set pretty high.

 2 Minute mark-Still on the intro. Ok, so full disclosure here, I did what this song told me to do to make me “his” and it didn’t work. Almost got a restraining order.

Thanks Hollywood! 😛

By the way, catching your own bouquet at your wedding is kinda a douchey move. I’d not recommend it.

 3:11-Ok lady, pick a veil length, short or long. You CAN’T have both.

 

The Movie:

4:36-WHOA! Is that an industrial sized walkie-talkie Julia Roberts just pulled out of her purse?

Oh, never mind. It’s just a flip phone. Phew!

9:18-don’t you just hate it when you are on the phone and go to sit down on the bed all graceful like and you miss and fall off the bed, almost cracking your head open?

10:11-No biggie, just a giant United Airlines plane taxiing down a highway overpass!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

12:10-I’m not saying this is why they don’t allow me to drive, but…… 😀

12:18-I know I’m not really very physics minded, but considering Cameron Diaz is driving with the top down at a high rate of speed, wouldn’t her sunglasses have flown off her head and hit oncoming traffic by now or a bird?

13:22-As far as fashion is concerned, that bridesmaid’s dress has actually cycled back into style.

17:25-I’m not sure why the director had Cameron Diaz’s character stop the elevator during the middle of her monologue. Doesn’t seem to fit and just makes her come off as a freakin’ psycho—oh, I see what he did there.

18:00-Totally would have punched her in the face to get the elevator open. Julia Roberts has more restraint that I. Er, me? #grammarishard!

18:31-Don’t you just hate when you step off an elevator into a tray of expensive luncheon meat and land on the floor as it cascades over you? Yep. Me too.

35:00-Ah yes, the rite of passage we all go through when we call our closest friend and leave a ranting, maniacal message on their machine when they are hosting a dinner party.

Good times.

42:21-Ah yes, the “make my gay best friend pretend he’s engaged to me to make my crush jealous” trope. So prevalent in ’90s movies. Cinematic gold, people.

49:29-Speaking of tropes, no ’90s rom-com would be complete without the “breaking into song for no apparent reason” shtick. Classic.

It kinda makes me wonder if at this point the writers were taking too many hits of acid (eh, probably weed. It was the ’90s afterall) and declared this scene “perfection”

50:52-now everyone in the restaurant where the action is taking place is singing. What in the actual crap is going on?? :-O

59:02- The moment Julia Roberts’ character falls completely off the rails and goes into “underhanded psycho” territory (AKA-sending a fake email supposedly from your best friend’s future father-in-law to your best friend’s boss).

And Paul Giamatti makes an early career performance as “random bell hop guy” Superb acting chops. Hope he goes far. 😉

1:09:28-I’ve watched this movie like a million times and this is the first time that i noticed a piece of ash in Julia Roberts’ hair after the cigarette is thrown out. #dontsmokekidsyourhairwillcatchfire #unlessyouareinamovie #hollywood #HDbaby

1:14:49-Let me just say this once; in no real-world scenario is someone gonna choose jello over creme brulee unless they are lactose intolerant.

And even so I’m sure a soy vegan version can be produced. It would undoubtedly suck, but whatever……

1:16:01-Huh. John Denver still sounds cool when helium-ized. Now THAT’S talent!

1:19:54-So Garry Marshall is by far my favorite director of rom-com’s and it just dawned on me that in most of his movies, there is always a chase scene whether by car or rental truck.

Think about it: The Other Sister, Runaway Bride (even made the title), Pretty Woman…….wait, I just realized My Best Friend’s Wedding wasn’t directed by Garry Marshall. Oops! 😛 #icanttellthedifference

1:34:50-In no universe is giving a song that defined your relationship with your ex- boyfriend an appropriate gift to give your ex-boyfriend at his wedding. Just. No.

1:34:51-Let’s talk about bubble skirts for a minute. A carry over from the ’80s that made it into this wedding. I wanna know who thought it a great fashionable idea to make a skirt that looks like the front half is tucked into your underwear. I mean, really? Your grandparents are coming to this wedding. They don’t need to see that! 😛

 

 

 

 

In Real Time: Where Lulabelle Watches a Movie and Records Her Reactions In Real Time

I had planned to write this on Monday, but I was so excited, I just couldn’t wait. Today my blog starts a new series (that will appear from time to time) where I watch a movie and record my thoughts in real time.

It started innocently enough, I found the 2014 epic Noah on Hulu.com and decided to watch it rather than brave the crowds on Black Friday. Besides it was also rainy and I live for irony.

The plan was to watch this movie and decorate our house for Christmas. I’ve uploaded a picture of our Christmas tree below…….

I had heard this movie deviates from the original Biblical account in Genesis–which it does, but I was struck by how far out there it had gone. So I began a Facebook thread to record my thoughts. As it grew longer and longer, I knew I was going to turn it into a blog, so I made the rest of my comments private. Until tonight.

Fasten your seat belts kids, this one is gonna be a bumpy watery ride!

OK, so quick synopsis for those not familiar with the traditional story of Noah from Genesis. Back in Noah’s day the world was evil and God was frustrated with mankind. So He decides He’s going to destroy the earth. Noah and his family are the only righteous ones, so God tells him to build an ark (a freakin’ huge boat), and bring in a pair of every animal on the earth. Then God sent a flood to destroy the earth, but since Noah and his family were in the boat, they were saved. In the end God sends a rainbow and a dove to Noah as a symbol of God’s promise that He’d never destroy the earth with a flood again.

So, let’s dive in (and by the end of this, you’ll probably be really sick of all the water puns, so I’m apologizing now 😉  )

Facebook Status update: Friday 5:33pm: “Movie on this rainy Friday is Noah. This may not end well. Stay tuned”

1o minutes in: Is Russell Crowe in JEANS??!! Pressing on….
15 minutes in: I’m convinced this is an historical drama based so loosely on the Bible that they didn’t feel bad when they introduced stone robots reminiscent of The Rock guy from The Never Ending Story. Also, Transformers….moving on….
15:05– Who knew Noah wore the world’s first man bun. I’ve been wondering who to blame for this trend…..
17 minutes in: Armor like they had in the dark ages in Europe. Seems legit.
17:35–I can almost see the Green Screen. I guess back then people could walk on the air?
20 minutes in: Pushing your thumb on someone’s head between the eyes, where the nose meets will quickly put the person to sleep. Will be trying this soon.
21 minutes in: All movie pottery shown courtesy of Pier 1 Imports
45 minutes in: Sure the ark isn’t done yet, but why wait? Let’s add a crap-ton of BIRDS! Psshhh!! It’ll be fine!! 😀
1:20 to go: I think I’ve seen that same cloak advertised in a past issue of J CREW
1:14 to go: I think I can guess what the director wanted in the character of Methusaleh. “Yeah, if you can make him look a cross between Anthony Hopkins and Yoda, that’d be great!”

HALF WAY MARK******
They just launched signal flares for who knows why. If it weren’t for the fact that I can never not quit something that is more than halfway completed because of stubborn-ness, I’da stopped watching when the first stone person/transformer dude appeared!

1:05 to go: Pivotal crowd running scene performed in most Biblical epics. I guess the director didn’t realize that if you unfocus your eyes, it’s obvious that some of the extras are in rain coats circa now. 😀

1:03 to go: Dang! Note to self, don’t piss off Stone People/Transformer Dudes. They have quite the brute force!
 
1:02:57 mark: Is it just my OCD kicking in, or does it annoy anyone else that the leader of the rebellion is wearing long hair sticking out of his shoulder just on one side?? Does his other shoulder not get cold?? Pressing on….We are almost done. 🙂
 
1:01:24–at this point they have completely lost focus and forgot they were making a Biblical epic, and not a Star Wars meets Transformers meets Gladiator movie.
 
54 minute mark: Whoa! I thought Emma Watson’s character was killed off in the ensuing mob. How did I miss that??
 
47 minutes to go: Ah, I mistook her for Ham’s love interest. They did look remarkably alike.
 
45 minutes to go: Blogger takes a break to pee and upload today’s Thank You Note Blog
 
The present urge was only a matter of time. The movie does primarily revolve around water….it’s science, really. Now back to the movie:
 
44:51–I’m PRETTY sure there were no extra human stowaways on the original ark that had ill intent….but that could actually explain ALOT!
 
34:40–I think I got that same scarf for Christmas 10 years ago.
 
15 minutes to go: It finally dawns on me who Jephath looks like. I knew he looked familiar. Of course he looks like Harry Styles of One Direction. They were doing pretty great in 2014. They also for some reason made Ham look like a member of a swash-buckling boy band.
 
12 to go: Emma Watson’s off the shoulder sweater….tre chic! I want it. #christmas
 
10:57–it just occurred to me that Emma Watson has been speaking with a heavy British accent this entire time and no one has called her on it. Weird. 😛
 

10:32–And skinny jeans makes one more appearance….

END CREDITS: Hey, look at that, the grandpa was played by Anthony Hopkins!

And apparently the last 10 minutes of the movie were not very note worthy.

Do you like this new series? What other movies would you want me to do?

Happy Monday!

Cheers!

Christmas Tree

Here is our tree. When you have cats you have to get creative. Yes, I taped it to the TV, but we don’t use it, so it’s no big deal. 😀