Achievement Unlocked…….

Tonight I accomplished something that I never knew could happen.

Like ever. 

I got…….um, let me just back up.

Before going to bed, I went into our bedroom and as sometimes happens, I smelled cat urine. So I followed my nose to the space in between our two dresser drawers. There was a random large trash bag sitting on the carpet and I realized that’s where the smell was coming from. 

So as Chad played “Words With Friends” on his phone before bed, I got down on the floor and went to pick up the bag. Thankfully I saw it glisten and I realized it had cat pee on it. Moving slowly to contain it, I folded up the edges of the bag and carefully lifted the bag off the ground. 

Why I decided to lift the bag over my head, I will never know. But I did and quickly regretted my life choice. 

As I felt cat piss drip on to my leg and onto the ENDS OF MY HAIR!!!

BLEEEEEECH!! 

Unfortunately, I had also just washed my hair and wasn’t so keen on doing it again, so in a strange way, I was thankful it was just the ends of my hair that bore the brunt of the accidental baptism by pee. 

So not only did I need to clean up the carpet, I now needed to wash the ends of my hair to get the smell out. 

Unfortunately, I used the shampoo that was nearest the sink and this specific shampoo (which will remain nameless because we are still playing “financial catch-up” from a slow summer to the point where adding a lawsuit into the mix would result in having us move across several state lines in the dead of night, assume new names, and start another life where Chad drove cattle while I whittled artisan corn cob holders for monks) has top notes of essence that are reminiscent of what I just rinsed out of my hair!  

So that was my Monday! I just can’t wait for what the rest of the week will bring! 😛 

#Sarcasm 😉 

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Monday Forecast: 100% Chance of Puddles…….In The Kitchen…..

While gathering up clothes to do laundry yesterday, I crossed into the kitchen and was met with a small lake, growing steadily larger and flowing from the bottom of the cat’s water bowl.

At this point I observe Riley-our 10-month old tiger cat, approach the growing lake on the other side from me. After cautiously sticking his paw into the water and jumping back he looks at me like, “Yeah. Um, that’s gonna have to be cleaned up. You might want to get on that.”

The problem? The lake on the kitchen floor was created by the same tiger kitty now worried about the lake on the floor. And unable unwilling to step around it to get to his food bowl.

Good thing I was about to do laundry because I was about to add to it. 😛

It seems we have an issue with Riley’s water bowl. He likes to stick his paw in it and spill the water on the floor. Then whine that there is water on the floor.

As my mom likes to say, “He’s like a toddler who doesn’t speak English.”

But he’s also super talented. He can open cereal boxes and eat the cereal, loves to play fetch and peek-a-boo when the mood strikes, and is currently lounging in his favorite box while eating the walls of the box. (Sidenote: Carboard is OK for cats to eat, right? Eh, we’ll find out soon I guess 😛  )

If only he’d learn how to use the mop!

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Sometimes wearing a box on your head as a hat makes you feel powerful. 😀

PS: An hour after this blog was published I learned something new. Riley doesn’t just smash his paw into the water to splash it out, I just observed him putting the side of the bowl BETWEEN HIS TEETH and tipping it over ever so slightly. :-O #LordHaveMercy

The Adventures Of Riley The Wonder Cat…….

Blogger’s Note: I will be blogging about the inauguration of President Trump sometime soon but decided that emotions are so tense right now, we could all use some humor.

And believe me I have just the thing:

Here are a list, not necessarily in any specific order, of all the things that Riley Bean did JUST THIS WEEK…….

1. Attempted to drink from the same glass as me as I was using it. The result of this was hair up the nose and a sneezing fit from me.

2. Tried to drink from the toilet WHILE I WAS ON IT. It appears he has severe separation anxiety and wants to do everything I’m doing when I’m doing it.

3. Took out a feminine product from the trash, carrying it around in his mouth…..all around the house. When I finally wrestled it out of his mouth and put it back in the trash–making sure it was out of reach–Riley DOVE HEAD FIRST into the trash can to dig it out again. A new trash can (with lid) will be purchased at our earliest convenience.

4. A few days ago I was standing at the sink in the kitchen. All of the sudden, Riley jumped up in front of me, grabbed one of my um, “Golden Globes” with his teeth and LATCHED ON! I still have the marks to prove it.

5. Grabbed a quarter, stuck it in his mouth and brought it to me. Like a dog. I kinda now want to let him scavenge all the couch cushions to see how much we could make. #RedNeckGoFundMe?

And the pièce de résistance came on Saturday……

6. So I had just gotten up and slid my phone into the living room while I went to the bathroom. While standing at the sink, I suddenly heard our Veterinarian’s office voicemail message. I thought, “What in the world? How could…..HOLY CRAP RILEY JUST CALLED THE VET!!

The next problem was trying to figure out how to end the call as this was a new phone I hadn’t quite figured out which resulted in 10 minutes of dead air.

Cat parenting is fun! Happy Monday, Y’all!! 😀

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Thinking it over now, I’m more than 90% sure his behavior this last week was payback for the sweater incident. 😛 Oops!

The One Where Lulabelle Tells You Actual Things She Said Today…….

Before we get into the topic of the day, let me do one item of housekeeping. I got this question the other day on Facebook and I wanted to address it here.

Question: “Do you know that it appears to be snowing on your blog??”
Answers: “Yes. Yes I do. It’s a feature that was rolled out last year that you could enable. It makes snow appear on your blog through the entire month of December.

I have no idea how to turn it off. 😀

So that clears that up. On to today’s blog…..Please note that some of these things were said in the middle of writing this blog for the sole purpose of writing them here and not making me out to be a liar (It’s close to Christmas and I wanna stay on the nice list 😉 ), but are still within the realm of likely to happen. 😛

So our life got exponentially more entertaining in May when we adopted Riley Bean the kitten into our family. He’s cute, cuddly and we learn new things he can do every day. One of which is annoying our other cat, his sister. Basically being an annoying little brother.

Here is just a sampling of what went down today:

1. “Stop eating that!” (To be fair, I say this every day. Every. Freakin’. Day. 😛 )

2. “Well of course she body slammed you, bro. You woke her up when you used her as a ladder to get to the top of the couch.” As I was saying this I simultaneously swelled with pride that Phoebe got in a couple good smacks to Riley’s head.

3. “I understand you found a bug on the wall next to mommy’s side of the bed, but climbing onto my face to get a better view while I’m trying to take a nap is not something I appreciated. Especially the part where you squished my eyeball with your foot.”

4. “What did you JUST do??” (This was after I heard a noise from the kitchen and when I went to investigate, I found the upper cabinet open above the stove. I don’t remember opening it. 😛 )

5. “You know, you really CAN go at least one day without humping my leg!” #HeThinksHesADog

Cheers! 😀

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This happens on a regular basis. I guess he’s honing his parroting skills. Oh, and the stain on the carpet behind him is the result of an unfortunate laundry detergent incident that I may chronicle in another blog or my upcoming book. It happened because it’s us. 😀

Christmas With Riley Episode 1……..

Because we have cats, we have to do Christmas trees a little bit different. Here is what I came up with last year.

Christmas Tree

Yes, I made a construction paper Christmas tree and taped it to our TV because our TV doesn’t work. My thought process was that if I put it on the TV, it would be out of the way and not get ruined.

This year I got it out again and put it back on the TV. You know, out of the way and up from the newest pair of ginsu knife paws.

Yeah. That worked out really well. 😛

Can you see what is missing??

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Yep. It seems Riley saw the tree on the TV as a personal challenge and as he’s practicing to be on the Kitten version of America Ninja Warrior, he wasted no time in jumping up on the screen to steal the star.

I had managed to tape over all the ornaments, but for some reason, decided to only secure the star with a piece of tape.

Rookie mistake. 😛

TMI???

Nothing like starting off Monday by navigating naked on all fours through the kitchen trying to find the drain stopper that mysteriously vanished from the edge of the tub–of course this discovery was only made after I was running the water into the bathtub and about to climb in.

Earlier in the day I accidentally made a trash bag out of an empty bag that still had residual catnip inside it from a recently acquired cat toy.

The end result was Little Boy Kitty tearing into said bag of trash, pulling out the contents and then running from the scene of the crime.

We have our hands full. 😛

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*In case you wondered why the blog was late today. I was trying to photograph something with my built in camera when Riley decided he wanted a picture of his bum.  #HesSuchABoy 😛

Dear Riley: Episode 2…..

Dear Riley, while your dad and I really appreciate your ability to capture and kill all sorts of bugs that enter the house by mistake, we’d very much appreciate it if you didn’t leave the dead carcasses strewn all over the kitchen floor.

Seriously, there are better ways to get mommy to mop the floor.

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Here our littlest furry weirdo mugs for the camera. No worries, the photo was staged and he never actually consumed any caffeine. 😉