The One Where Lulabelle Reconsiders Hygiene Rules She’s Followed Since Childhood…….

Well that lasted 9 months. Almost 9 months to the exact day. But today I had to do a reset of sorts.

Guys, I have to reset my vomit clock.

Again.

And to add insult to injury I was doing something you are taught in childhood to do several times a day to stay healthy.

I was brushing my teeth.

Yeah.

Let me repeat that.

I threw up because I was BRUSHING. MY. TEETH.

Now to ensure my breath is fresh, I brush over my tongue. I’ve down this for years. But today for some reason when I brushed my tongue my body decided it wanted to be reminded of what I had for breakfast.

In reverse.

Now I can probably pin-point the reason why this happened if I think back to how heavy-handed I can be with brushing my teeth. I once went to the dentist for a toothache and was told that it was gum inflammation caused by flossing my teeth too hard. He literally ordered me to STOP FLOSSING MY TEETH FOR A FEW DAYS.

True story! I mean WHO DOES THAT? 

Me, apparently. 😛 

So if you are keeping track, so far in the last 9 months the following things I used to partake in to keep myself healthy, I am now hesitant to ever do again in life: 

1. Take generic fish oil gel capsules that are the same size as the woman’s multivitamin I used to consume. 

2. The aforementioned woman’s multi-vitamin whose size had been labeled a “horse” pill. Why we are comparing vitamin size to a pill a horse takes is beyond me. I am not a horse so I shouldn’t have to digest something that is normally shoved up a horse’s nether regions. (I’m sure it’s probably taken orally, but surely sometimes this happens? Yes? Moving on…..) 

3. Brushing my teeth. Now I appreciate and love the feelings of slick, clean teeth on my tongue as much as the next guy, but when you see your breakfast in reverse after such an activity, you begin to think that maybe it’s not that big of a deal if your teeth get fuzzy and your breath becomes so foul that it could bring dragons back to life. 

I’ve always wanted a dragon.

And to be honest it would be quite useful at this point in my life. 😛 

So apparently what we have learned from all this is that growing older has some unintended consequences that I’m glad I didn’t know beforehand. 

I just hope the next time I brush my hair, it doesn’t fall out. 

Fingers crossed. 

It is a scientific fact that I’ve never once barfed after eating licorice. This is not my fault. It’s science. 

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