Monday Missives: Where Lulabelle Comes Up With Alternative Swear Words…..

I’m pretty sure you’ve been there.

You hit your funny bone on a hard surface or accidentally slam your finger in a door.

Then you unleash words that would make the Pope blush.

But then it happens. Your nieces and nephews grow up and start talking.

And they are there when you accidentally shut your finger in the car door.

And they start repeating the new words they just learned.


So today I thought I’d do you a solid and give you a list of alternative swear words to use when little ears are around. I’ll even use them in a sentence:

1. Bullsqueeze!

All the words coming out of Donald Trump’s mouth are pure bullsqueeze.

2. Holy Hannah Montana!

Holy Hannah Montana those chicken wings are so spicy that I’m literally breathing fire! Sorry about that hole I just burned in your sofa.

3. Holy Balls! (Ok, this one is iffy. Use with caution. Or something 😛 )

Holy balls, Batman! Did you see that big boulder coming down the street?

4. Holy Crab Apple! (Apparently part of the art of using alternative swears relies heavily on making something “holy”…….Carry on…..)

5. Holy Buckets! (I have no idea what this means. I mean, if you put holes in a bucket, it renders it useless. Dear Liza. )

6.  Son Of a Monkey’s Uncle’s First Cousin Once Removed! ( I took an old classic and improved it. Yep. And an added bonus with this one is that it takes so long to say it, by the time you do, you forget why you said it in the first place. 😀 )

*use this when you hit your knee on the edge of the table*

So there you have it. Print this out and put this in your pocket or purse in case of a swear emergency.

You’re welcome! 😛


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