Sarcastically Insured…..

Phew! My last post was pretty intense, no? Today I thought we’d really lighten things up with some mindless humor.

So today I woke up to our youngest cat standing on my midsection and looking down at me.

She was singing the song of her people.

She also asked me if we can talk about her favorite topic on the blog today-insurance. I know it’s strange this is her favorite topic, but she takes after her Grandpa with her love of numbers. Since it is her birthday today (as I’m writing this it is May 2. This will probably not be published and most definitely won’t be widely read until May 3) and therefore she gets anything she wants, let’s crunch some numbers.

I know I said above that this blog was going to be mindless humor, but when you think about it, filling out insurance forms can be quite humorous. Especially if you answer each question with a sarcastic answer. The more poorly written the question, the more sarcastic the answer.

“Question” 1: Earned Income- Uh, yeah. I have some. Thanks for asking. This totally validates me as a 30-something career woman with lofty goals of selling my upcoming book and trying to figure out what that smell is that’s coming from the laundry room.

“Question” 2: Unearned Income-What about it? Isn’t that in theory the money I haven’t made yet but money I will try to make in the future? (Sorry if that last sentence didn’t make sense. I’ve been busy today writing and exercising my olfactory nerve to try and figure out what that smell is coming from the laundry room.)

“Question” 3: Advisor name: Ok, this really isn’t a question but it’s clear that I need to provide a person’s name. Not sure why you’d want this, but the only person I can think of that has “advisor” in their title was my college advisor and I haven’t seen or heard from them in years so I’m not sure what they’d add to the discussion on my insurance. They could tell you I made the Dean’s list several times. Does that count? I also see here that you are needing their date of birth, driver’s license and social security numbers. Dude, I don’t know what to tell you, but this seems a bit too “invasion of privacy” and possibly violates about 50 HIPPA laws. Seriously, I haven’t talked to my college advisor in years so I’d have NO idea what their driver’s license number was and there is no way in ha-ha I’m asking for their social security number. 

Uh, I feel kinda embarrassed right now. I mean, maybe you wanted to know the name of the advisor that I run all my decisions by? So, that would be God. But the problem is I still don’t have a social security number for you and I’m pretty sure God doesn’t have a driver’s license due to the whole omnipresent thing.

Question 4: Has the insured participated in sky or scuba diving? That would be a big fat NO! (Jeeze! It’s like you don’t know me at all!)  Seeing as I’m scared of heights (it’s really a miracle I’ve willingly put myself in a plane to be a passenger), and flunked swimming lessons as a kid because I didn’t trust my instructor to save me if I was accidentally drowning because I’m pretty sure taking my hands off the edge of the deep end and letting me “float” would have done that in an alarmingly short time.

So there are just a few questions that are worded so weirdly you can give a sarcastic answer. I hope this made you smile. Oh, and during a break in my writing I have now discovered what that smell was coming from the laundry room. It was clean laundry. Fresh out of the dryer.

The only question remaining is: What do I do with it? 😀

Cheers!

phoebe-in-window

This cute bundle of fur arrived into the world 11 years ago today. She brings us such joy and laughter and we couldn’t imagine life without her. ❤

Blogger’s Note: It’s probably a good idea to read over the questions and your responses before turning in the form to make sure you’ve answered them like the serious adulting adult you are. 😉 Lulabelle.net is not responsible for insurance lost over sarcastic answers.

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