LAFF: The One Where Lulabelle Lists Alternative Uses For the Phone Book….

Happy Friday! We made it!! As I write this there is snow gently falling outside my window and the sounds of Weird Al Yankovic’s “Pretty Fly for a Rabbi” is coming from the bathroom as my husband prepares for his day. Yep, that’s how we roll. Or as Weird Al puts it in the aforementioned song, “put on your yarmulke and do your Hebrew thing!”

A few housekeeping items before we get into our topic of the day:

1. I managed to trouble shoot the knock-off Magic Eraser and the results were slightly more favorable than before. The key is using vinegar. In my case it was hot vinegar. See, I did the yearly deep cleaning of our coffee pot (although we use it so often that it should probably be done more often, but whatever). Conventional wisdom suggests that you pour straight white vinegar into the water tank of the coffee pot and run it through like you are making coffee. Then run at least 2 pots of water through it.When the vinegar was done running through, I plugged the sink and poured the hot vinegar in. After cooling for a minute or two, I dipped the Magic Eraser into the vinegar and began scrubbing the stains left in the sink. This method worked slightly better than just straight ME and water. But please heed this warning: Vinegar at room temperature has a strong odor. When you heat it up, the odor takes on a life of it’s own. Like, it can clear your sinuses from a month of congestion. Powerful stuff. (Ladies, if it’s that time of the month and you are having scent aversion, I recommend wearing some type of mask to buffer the scent 😉 ).

So apparently when I said a “few” housekeeping items, I really meant one. Let’s move on.

With the advancement of technology in the last 10 years, some items that we used to rely on have been replaced by faster versions of the same thing. The biggest example of this? The phone book. Honestly I don’t understand why the phone company (Is that really a thing anymore? I know we have cell phone companies, but there is no longer a one stop place for everyone to go for all things telephone.) keeps sending out their books. It really seems like a waste of paper at this point. But never fear. I just came up with a few alternative uses for your phone book so you don’t have to feel guilty after throwing it away.

1. Cheap Coaster: Keep your favorite drink from spilling onto your white carpet by keeping it on top of the phone book that doubles as a coaster. The true beauty of using the phone book for this purpose is that you are able to sit several glasses on it at once. Score!

2. Door Stop: Is there a door in your house that you want to keep open, but it closes on it’s own for some unknown reason (and yes, you did have the house checked for ghosts and came up empty)? Use a phone book or two to keep that door open and your house ghost-free.

3. Toilet Paper: We’ve all been there. You have an “emergency” and sit down on the toilet to do your thing, only to discover you no longer have toilet paper. You never have to be in that situation again. Just make sure to store phone books beside your toilet and when nature calls and you are out of the real thing, your phone book will save the day!!

4. Snow Day Kiddo Craft Hat: Take out several pages (shoot, rip the whole thing up! 😀 ) and craft pirate hats out of them. If you don’t have human kids, make smaller versions for your cats. Word on the street is they also like pirate-y things.

5. Gift Wrap: Have a birthday party, wedding or bat-mitzvah coming up? Did you spend so much on the gift that you now don’t have enough money for fancy-pants gift wrap? No pr0blem!! Use the Yellow Pages to cover your gift. Have the recipient open the package slowly so they preserve the paper in case they need a lawyer, plumber or 24-hour emergency pizza delivery.

6. DIY Step Ladder: Go door-to-door in your neighborhood and collect as many phone books as you can. Then heat up your trusty glue gun and glue the phone books together, making a tall ladder type thing to use when you need to reach those tall shelves or other high places when your go-to “high-up” person is on vacation.

7. Make Your Own Furniture: Ok, hear me out. Like the step ladder above, take a bunch of phone books and hot glue them together. Then, with the fabric of your choice, wrap the fabric around the books and hot glue the edges. BAM! Insta-furniture. I would, however, use caution when sitting down on these with any form of liquid. Maybe you want to spray the structure down with NeverWet (essentially voodoo magic in spray form that renders anything waterproof, apparently) just for added protection.

8. Hidey-Hole For Your Valuables: Ok, I just like saying hidey-hole (ah, I miss my littles). But seriously, take a phone book, flip it open to the middle and carve out a hole with an exacto-knife, down to the back cover. Pick a plastic or similar container the size of the hole and hot glue it into the hole. Put your valuables of choice into the hole and shut the phone book. Now, the downside of this one is you have to remember that you stuck your valuables into an old hollowed out phone book.

9. Take your Juggling Game Up a Notch: Sure, juggling phone books doesn’t have the “wow” factor as say, juggling moving chain saws, but may still be entertaining in those neighborhood bars on trivia night.

10. Christmas Tree Decorations: Nowadays it is fashionable for people to have themes for their Christmas trees. Your theme next year could be phone book ornaments. Simply origami the poo out of the entire book and place hooks into each origami piece, securing it to the tree. For added festivity, use a can of spray glitter to each piece. Add them to the tree, step back and bask in your DIY craftiness!! I promise you’ll be the envy of the whole neighborhood.



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