A Letter to the Anxious Newlywed: You Are Doing Just Fine…

Blogger PSA: We are posting late today because the blogger’s oldest cat was quite needy and energetic, swatting at bloggers hand and arm when enough attention was not given. After this went on for almost 2 hours (seriously), normal activities could resume as the cat slept and snored on the couch. The good news is she has recently lost weight. The bad news is she now has boundless energy that can only be drained by kicking the snot out of the youngest and many rounds of ribbon toy play……While I have some free moments, lets get today started……. 🙂

Before our topic of the day, a follow-up to a letter I wrote about Pizza Hut. Last night we ordered pizza again. This time we wrote in the “special instructions” section to put the spinach underneath the cheese. They did it and it was divine!! Moral of the story is; when you want something changed, it doesn’t hurt to ask! 🙂

Last night I did some the housework. Ok, I lied. I only did the dishes. But I did them all till the sink was empty leaving behind only the rust stains in the sink from previous dishes that were forgotten for a long period (sidenote: anyone know how to get rid of rust stains in a white deep tub sink? Let me know-thanks! 🙂 ). Washing them till they are all clean is something that hasn’t happened a lot since we’ve been married (we lived apart till after we married). And I was pretty sure things would end up this way. We’ve been married almost 3 years.

See, I’ve known for quite some time that my anxiety makes it hard to transition to change. Actually I know now that it’s my anxiety, but my aversion to change has been noticeable for way longer.

I first noticed it in college when I’d leave campus for Christmas and then come back a few weeks later. Getting back into the swing of classes was challenging for me. My anxiety at the time manifested itself in the constant need to visit the bathroom–and there were plenty of times this need would come up so quickly I’d not have time to get there. This reaction to transition would go away after a few weeks, but it would be rough till I rode it out. Mostly in silence. My parents knew, but not my friends.

Then there was the semester that my bladder leakage issues triggered from transition changed to under eye twitching. I had never been so happy about an anxiety symptom in my life! Finally I didn’t have to worry about making it to the bathroom in time. This time I could just sit there and let my eyelid twitch to its heart’s content.

Years later when Chad and I were preparing for marriage, I brought this up. I told him that my body reacts weirdly to change and transition; the bigger the change, the bigger the response from my body. So far in my life, marriage has been the biggest transition I’ve gone through. And getting settled and figuring out how to be married and how things also get done around the house has taken time.

We’ve been married almost 3 years and I am just now feeling like we are finally grooving. We are starting to figure out a good way to get things done around the house, and find time for each other.

Dear newlywed (especially those with anxiety), it’s OK if you’ve been married several years and haven’t figured out how to get it all done. It’s normal that your home is not like those uber clean houses on TV. Doesn’t matter that you don’t have kids.

Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what you can and celebrate the little things, like when you finally get all the dishes done.

Remember you are NEVER EVER alone. I’m rooting for you. You can do this!



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