LAFF: A Letter to Pizza Hut…….

Dear Pizza Hut:

At this point in our marriage, you are one of our constants. Date night is not the same without pizza and you have been our go-to for months now. In fact, if we skip a week, the next week you’ll ask if we are OK.

We appreciate the concern.

And we wanted to write to you and say we are really glad that you’ve stepped up your pizza game recently. I don’t know of any other chain that uses whole Peruvian cherry peppers on their pizzas. And the crust flavors you offer are amazing.

But you now know, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, that a gripe is coming. Here it is:

You need to up your pizza layering game.

Now, I understand, you’ve made a lot of changes to your menu, so your focus has been a bit frenzied lately. Like you just came home from work to discover that your spouse has invited their new boss and their entire department to your house for dinner, and so you are having to make a 15-course gourmet meal from scratch. In 30 minutes.

Being under that amount of pressure, of course there are gonna be some things that are gonna be less than stellar. The flan may be soupy, the homemade croutons may be burned, and the noodles may not be exactly al denta (you checked by throwing them against the wall and because they weren’t all the way denta they slid off. Now you have another mess to clean up).

When I open my pizza box, I expect to see a bubbly layer of melted cheese on top. What I don’t expect is seeing leafy greens. The main problem with putting spinach on top of the pizza, and not under the cheese, is that the leaves are loose. Seriously, if you were to tip the pizza even 20 degrees, the spinach would come sliding off the top. While I do appreciate a two in one meal, if I had wanted a salad, I would have skipped the delivery and made it at home. Probably. Although first I’d need to go out and buy the stuff for salad. Eh, who am I kidding? Being healthy is hard 😛

Maybe I am missing something in regards to the science of pizza layering. Maybe it’s not possible to put the spinach under the cheese. Perhaps when you put the spinach under the cheese, the heat from the cheese makes the spinach shrivel up and all but disappear. There’s $1 you’ll never get back.

Maybe next week I’ll cut out the middle man and order a salad. With shredded cheese and pepperoni.

Bon Appetit, ya’ll!

PS: Our oldest cat is also wondering if you’d consider “catnip” for your next flavor adventure. Also throwing in a free cat toy would be just swell.





One thought on “LAFF: A Letter to Pizza Hut…….

  1. Pingback: A Letter to the Anxious Newlywed: You Are Doing Just Fine… | be-anxious-about-nothing

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