I had planned to write this on Monday, but I was so excited, I just couldn’t wait. Today my blog starts a new series (that will appear from time to time) where I watch a movie and record my thoughts in real time.
It started innocently enough, I found the 2014 epic Noah on Hulu.com and decided to watch it rather than brave the crowds on Black Friday. Besides it was also rainy and I live for irony.
The plan was to watch this movie and decorate our house for Christmas. I’ve uploaded a picture of our Christmas tree below…….
I had heard this movie deviates from the original Biblical account in Genesis–which it does, but I was struck by how far out there it had gone. So I began a Facebook thread to record my thoughts. As it grew longer and longer, I knew I was going to turn it into a blog, so I made the rest of my comments private. Until tonight.
Fasten your seat belts kids, this one is gonna be a bumpy watery ride!
OK, so quick synopsis for those not familiar with the traditional story of Noah from Genesis. Back in Noah’s day the world was evil and God was frustrated with mankind. So He decides He’s going to destroy the earth. Noah and his family are the only righteous ones, so God tells him to build an ark (a freakin’ huge boat), and bring in a pair of every animal on the earth. Then God sent a flood to destroy the earth, but since Noah and his family were in the boat, they were saved. In the end God sends a rainbow and a dove to Noah as a symbol of God’s promise that He’d never destroy the earth with a flood again.
So, let’s dive in (and by the end of this, you’ll probably be really sick of all the water puns, so I’m apologizing now 😉 )
Facebook Status update: Friday 5:33pm: “Movie on this rainy Friday is Noah. This may not end well. Stay tuned”
1o minutes in: Is Russell Crowe in JEANS??!! Pressing on….
15 minutes in: I’m convinced this is an historical drama based so loosely on the Bible that they didn’t feel bad when they introduced stone robots reminiscent of The Rock guy from The Never Ending Story. Also, Transformers….moving on….
15:05– Who knew Noah wore the world’s first man bun. I’ve been wondering who to blame for this trend…..
17 minutes in: Armor like they had in the dark ages in Europe. Seems legit.
17:35–I can almost see the Green Screen. I guess back then people could walk on the air?
20 minutes in: Pushing your thumb on someone’s head between the eyes, where the nose meets will quickly put the person to sleep. Will be trying this soon.
21 minutes in: All movie pottery shown courtesy of Pier 1 Imports
45 minutes in: Sure the ark isn’t done yet, but why wait? Let’s add a crap-ton of BIRDS! Psshhh!! It’ll be fine!! 😀
1:20 to go: I think I’ve seen that same cloak advertised in a past issue of J CREW
1:14 to go: I think I can guess what the director wanted in the character of Methusaleh. “Yeah, if you can make him look a cross between Anthony Hopkins and Yoda, that’d be great!”
HALF WAY MARK******
They just launched signal flares for who knows why. If it weren’t for the fact that I can never not quit something that is more than halfway completed because of stubborn-ness, I’da stopped watching when the first stone person/transformer dude appeared!
1:05 to go: Pivotal crowd running scene performed in most Biblical epics. I guess the director didn’t realize that if you unfocus your eyes, it’s obvious that some of the extras are in rain coats circa now. 😀
10:32–And skinny jeans makes one more appearance….
END CREDITS: Hey, look at that, the grandpa was played by Anthony Hopkins!
And apparently the last 10 minutes of the movie were not very note worthy.
Do you like this new series? What other movies would you want me to do?