Lulabelle’s Guide to Getting Rid of Spiders (Please Note, I Didn’t Say These Were Good Ideas!)

Trigger Warning: The following blogpost contains my experience this week with a spider. If you have arachnophobia and can’t handle reading about spiders, I won’t be offended one bit if you click out of this one. Oh, and if you need something else to read and you missed yesterdays entry on our bum-licking cat, you can find it here.  Happy Weekend!!

So the other night my husband went to bed early with a sinus headache and I stayed up binge watching episodes of Frasier on Hulu, brushing our cats, and bagging up garbage to be taken out the next day.

Then I glanced down at our carpet and screamed. Part of my carpet was moving and that wasn’t normal. When my eyes focused, I saw a giant spider just running around my living-room like he owned the place. Now, the thing with me and spiders is, we have an agreement. As long as they stay outside in nature I am fine. If a daddy-long-legs happened to venture in, I would be startled, but my world wouldn’t be ending. This punk-*ss spider however, waltzed in from a spare bedroom (I don’t even want to know how he got in) and ran into my living-room like a fool. He stopped when I screamed and I got a better look at him.

Guys, he was big. I’m talkin’ the diameter of my palm. I’ve never seen a spider so big that wasn’t in a zoo. He kinda reminded me of a tarantula, which is funny because tarantulas are pretty chill spiders and don’t hurt anyone, so why was I screaming? Well, this one wasn’t supposed to be in my house!

After I got over my shock, I had to act. I needed to get rid of the spider, but my go-to elimination method was NOT gonna work for this one. It was too big to smush without both of us going through trauma. So, I ended up grabbing a large mason jar and a plastic lid. I tipped the mason jar on its head so the opening was covering the spider. Then I scooted the jar with the spider slowly over to the door, opened it and tipped the jar up so he’d have room to escape, which he thankfully did.

After I managed to get rid of the spider, I started thinking about other ways I could have gotten rid of him with things I had within reach. I made a list:

1. Douse the spider in rubbing alcohol: I did realize though that would probably only make the spider inebriated and the last thing you want besides a spider in your house is one that is drunk off their butt. Drunk spiders also tend to be angry to the point of throwing things. Nobody has time for that.

2. Douse the spider in coffee: The problem with this method, besides depleting our coffee stash, would be that it’d make the spider way too jittery and would run around even faster and would be harder to catch and release out the door. Or it would become so jittery, it’d explode. Then you’d have a mess on your hands. Then you’d have to go to trauma counseling.

3. The Catapult: This next method would require two people. One person grabs a spoon and puts the spider on it (I’m also thinking this method wouldn’t have worked since the spider in question was bigger than the spoon heads I have-I guess I could have grabbed a ladle) So you grab a ladle, put the spider in the ladle–maybe use tongs to get it on the ladle, unless you are brave and can grab it with your bare hands. Ok, the spider is on the ladle. Stand about a foot away from the door. Tip the head of the ladle back, creating a sort of catapult. Have the other person quickly open the door as you fling the head of ladle/spoon forward, propelling the spider out of the spoon/ladle and into the outside where you no longer have to deal with it. I can’t think of any drawback from this method except you have to work fast and it takes more than one person. The spider may pass out once it hits the pavement, but should recover fairly quickly.

So there you go….methods for getting rid of a spider when smooshing it is not an option. I hope you find this list helpful.



*slight over-reaction meme appears courtesy:

PS: Hours after this uploaded, the blogger was sitting in her living-room when ANOTHER of the same spider was seen scurrying across the carpet, from the same direction as the first. Causing much panic and fear, reinforcements were called in to catch the spider after it disappeared from view. Now this blogger can add another way to get rid of spiders: Stabbing them with the sharp end of an umbrella. But there is no way she’s going back behind the couch to retrieve the carcass. Lord have mercy! 

5 thoughts on “Lulabelle’s Guide to Getting Rid of Spiders (Please Note, I Didn’t Say These Were Good Ideas!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s